Started having my phone tell me to hold it farther from my face, but, every time it tells me that I’m like, “Yeah I’m nearsighted AF! It’s too late for me!”

Allowing it to continue for some reason.

“Single dad” is most often a euphemism for, “I’m so shite that the lady concluded making the kids’ life 10 times harder was better for them than watching her put up with me.”

Guess I’m gonna start taking care of my skin since I have nothing better to do at night than rub my own face.

I’m okay with the fact I’m having a shitty Valentine’s Day I just want to share it for solidarity. 💋💋💋

Large stone engagement rings are going to go almost completely out of fashion as lab created diamonds become more available. It’ll have to be a less overt sign of gross privilege, like the carved actual vertebra of a small child or something.