Turning Point Halftime Show Lineup:

-Jeff Dunham
-The guy who called the cops on Henry Louis Gates Jr.
-Kyle Rittenhouse’s Mom
-Ted Nugent Hologram
-Lee Greenwood (new music only)
-John Ashcroft singing “Let the Eagle Soar”

Debuting a new character called Cary The Label Guy who is obsessed with putting labels on everything. The feedback so far has been mostly positive, although I’ve only shown it to two people. One threw a punch at me but the other one gave me $150 and begged me to move out of our apartment.

Drinking piss at the farmers market.

(Flo Rida voice)

Cake by the ocean? In this economy?!?!

For the 7th year in a row, my top song on Spotify is LET THE EAGLE SOAR by former Attorney General John Ashcroft. #SpotifyWrapped

I think it was a good idea to make Kevin younger in Home Alone because if he was a teenager I think he’d spend most of the movie whacking off.