WTH she talking about? He went to college every chance he got. You couldn't keep him away from colleges!

if the regret hadn’t been immediately processed into shame. Regret and shame need a divorce. In their nuclear family, we're paralyzed against doing better. (6/6)

If we’re denying it, hiding it and not talking about it, we can’t move on. Faced with it, we might dig in our heels and deny regret (to deny the shame) and even claim pride over what we might have regretted (5/6)

reads those books. Some people discipline with an insistence that you should be ashamed (bare butts for spanking is a good example). Regret becomes shame before there’s any time for reflection. And if it’s shame, we can’t own it, we don’t want it out in the open, we can’t even talk about it. (4/6)

that place where regret and shame become one, where it isn’t the bad thing done, but the bad person you are. In my adulthood, lightbulbs accompanied parenting advice on correcting kids: you should make it about the thing they’re doing, not about their character. But that’s not every parent who (3/6)

noticing how readily my friend conflated regret with shame. I’ve seen the origins of that conflation. I was not disciplined the way my sister was because I made myself small and was rarely caught doing anything punishable. But I witnessed in how my Dad disciplined that it could go to (2/6)