Decided to look at this place after a rather long time. The snippets of my ramblings from the past felt weirdly entertaining. I had forgotten that I used to put out my thoughts in such an unfiltered manner here.

Why do I close my eyes and look into the darkness when there are flowers all around me?

I should stop being addicted to Reddit; it is, in a way, worse than the other social media platforms. Very echo chamber-y.

Of course, I feel like shit 75% of the time. Of course.

It's rather wonderful how different cultures have different expectations of the amount of politeness / frankness / friendliness there should be in a conversation. It's also nice when people from completely different cultures talk and balance each other out. It's like dancing.

I get it when people say that social media can be addictive, but there's online media that's orders of magnitude more addictive. Take any composition by Liszt, for example. The sheer information density within the composition is enough to keep one hooked for like hours.

I must exist

Some days are good. They restore my faith in myself. Today was one of them.
I hope peace and happiness actually exist, and can be felt over the stinging screams of inadequeacy and self-doubt.

Do not hold back your pen for fear of criticism, for if you have done nothing that can be criticized, you might as well not have done anything at all.

P.S. This is a random thought that came to me, and following my own advice I decided to shout it out to the world.

Fuck this existence and everything in it

Dreams are but mirages on the horizon of my mind. The closer I get to them, the farther away they go, and sometimes they disappear into thin air.

simply
haaaaving
the worst time of me life

(not really)

Reducing work-induced stress might be like solving constipation -- enough water, fibre and regular exercise ... and it's gone in a week. If I implement a disciplined time management, a good sleep schedule and spend a good amount of time meditating... that should do it? I guess?

I look at the current level of my knowledge, and then try to read up a paper in physics, and sigh. I do not know if I will ever have the expertise to contribute meaningfully to scientific research. But I will try. It seems to be a noble goal to pursuit.

Why do I not do the things which I know will benefit me in the future? Why do I doomscroll Reddit for hours instead? And then hate myself for doing that --- aand do it again --- and the loop goes on.
God, I really hate myself.

This is one of the weirder places of the internet, and I hope this goes well. On this not-so-cold Christmas evening, I hope to gain the strength to fight the monsters that dwell within my mind. I have slept long, and my machines are now covered in rust. Now I set to work to polish things again.

Hello world