There’s an FB group for cruisers to post their daily cruiseship complaints and it reminds me of an open mic night in that they’re all working up new angles and material for their full set at guest services.
Sadly not a lot of male complainants, diversity issue needs to be addressed.

Obesity walks in my family.

Popular vote count:
51% Republican 49% Democrat
‘A landslide victory for Trump’

Earth:
51% Female 49% Male
‘An annihilation by the women of planet Earth. A victory never before seen in any galaxy or universe. Men completely misunderstanding the tone of their pale blue dot. A loss for the ages’

I don’t do work Xmas comedy shows but any inquiries I always suggest they give it to Brett who works in their warehouse who is naturally hilarious and gifted and could easily slay on that flat floor stage 30 metres away from everyone after the video montage of a recently deceased coworker.

Early sapien men saw women enjoying flowers and so discovered to plant seeds and grow the flowers to woo the females. This knowledge eventually led to them growing edible crops like wheat etc. Men, as ever, thinking about fucking way before eating.

I joke, she didn’t poop herself during the birth, but your dad did!
#ewwww

Your mom pooped herself giving birth to you and I wouldn’t typically bring it up but you were a C-Section
#comedy

Shame about Alan Jones’ arrest, top bloke by zero reports.

I traditionally spend this week wishing my fellow Australians a happy thanksgiving and man do they all wish they had guns.

Hey guys I’m a feminist. Please let all your female friends/family members know please.

‘Man, fuck Twitter’
*proceeds to post everything that ever did well on Twitter

Me: ‘Is the super size Burrito bowl the same amount of stuff as the normal size bowl but with way more rice and lettuce?’

Zambreran: ‘Yes’

Me: ‘Oh Perfect’ *reverses out of drive thru*

Woman next to me on my flight was asked to place her own pillow in the overhead locker for take off
She said why? And the steward said it’s an exit row and it can’t go under the seat so the woman just sat on it and said ‘what pillow?’
It was my first ever pillow fight and I loved it.

Report:
Babies still not handling their fuckin bidniz on international flights.

For the past 2 years I’ve only drunk once every 6 weeks or so, and ranging from 2 to 20 alcohols, seeking the ideal amount. Can officially announce it’s 11.5 alcohols.
I had 12 last night.

(Onstage)
*joke goes real well*
Me: ‘You guys are laughing but i did that joke in Dubai… and man, lemme tell ya, they really enjoyed it there too…. Guess it’s just a solid bit’

The cruiseship wifi hasn’t identified this as a porn site yet. Helluva week I’m havin.

No ‘find your friends on Blue Sky’, none of that allow ‘access to your contacts’ fuckery.
Straight up raw doggin the follower count over here.