I swear it's there. I swear it is.

PS. I even took a couple of behind-the-scenes shots for your amusement and edification.

Trust me, I'm a professional!

Told them to fuck off.

Why yes I’m from Yorkshire. How could you tell?

Also: I did all this to save four pounds.

Did I mention that I’m from Yorkshire?

The alternative was spending more money on customer service phone calls than the clothes I was trying to buy.

Solved the problem myself.

Then was targeted by scammers trying to impersonate the retailer.

This is why we can't have nice things.

The little guy still boots despite being obsolete. A dead battery and several sticking keys means retirement might look like being sold to a refurbisher for parts or repair. Seems kinder than chucking it in a skip. I'm not crying you're crying.

Exactly.