It doesn't have to be the NFL Combine, but Senate candidates should have to be measured and rated on their physical capacity to filibuster.

Sweets are dumb. Why would you ever not be eating salty.

You knew what you were getting into. If you didn't want a guy who couldn't stop eating Pretzel Goldfish, you shouldn't have married me.

Wife refuses to admit that our air filter samples the Severance theme.

When I say I watched a season of television, I mean I watched 7 scenes from last week and part of a finale

From the dudes who brought you Lost

I secretly disappear the Christmas and birthday gifts my children receive that I deem too loud, sticky, or annoying. And regift them for other kids' bdays. In this way I wrong the original giver, my kids, and the family of the receiver of the annoying toy. But I sleep just fine at night about it.

The doctor's office is an arena. The strongest combatants emerge with a prescription for antibiotics. The weak? A suggestion for an over the counter drug... And therefore almost certain death.

pizza rat to the tune of pete the cat come on bluesky this isn't brain surgery