Anyway. I saved the home. And I’m gonna go back to sleeping with a silk stocking over my head. Fuckin fall and winter driving these beasts inside.

Power on. Suction to full. Cup tip. And the creature scuttled! Skittered! Feinting like it was goT dang Sunday and he scuffed his knees afore church. NOT ON MY WATCH. Up it went. Hopefully the vortex gave him a clean death because if it had been 20 years ago I’d be igniting hairspray to kill him.

I grab my trusty succ succ 9000 stick vac. Hook up the concentrator nozzle and pray I’m faster than this Nicolas cage long legged fuck that came into my home without a fruit basket.

Like a twisted tree branch that should’ve snapped. I get the card under it and get it to the floor. Okay. Okay. I can let gravity be the jailer. For now. I know this slick willy gonna test me though. This ain’t my first ride against evil though. So I grab my lil vacuum eyes on the cup the whole way

Can I reach my phone and call for the priest I so desperately want? Or can I take care of this monstrosity? I. Am. A. Man. I can do this. I shimmy this cup down all the while keeping an ever cringing eye on how this mechanism of brimstone and evil manoeuvres itself through this goodly life

You know what this spawn of the dark decides to do? Like a fuggin eldritch beast of untold darkness it unfurls its size. It went from diameter of a dime to the full radius of the cup. It’s not a wolf spider. IT IS NOT A WOLF SPIDER. So now I gotta decide

Because a spider won’t ever be in my top 8 if it’s in my space, this is a growth moment for me. I collect the cup and card. It’s gotta be a card weight paper because otherwise the evil sumbitch gonna chew through. I gingerly, quite gently, treading so carefully place the cup over the sumbitch.

Say less

Could it be because you are beef?

It’s been long enough that I’m not 100% that I read the Hork-Bajir chronicles. I def remember the Andelite Chronicles and the Ellimist though.

Big hugs sugar

Cuuuuute!

Lemme hold them.

🥴🥴🫠