Sorry, I know I want to strive as a source of escapism on my main, as a creator, but im a person as well, a person with problems. I just... hope those who find this and read it don't think anything less of me or pity me or- idk...

Im affraid of being judged, but... I just needed this emotion out.

If I would get too close I'd burden them. This is the internal struggles I believe relate to what I believe is my high functioning depression. I'm able to have friends and a job, but internally I spiral and suffer and I have no outlet to express those emotions except here. I needed to let this out.

Secondly, I often send myself into a spiral because I think about not being enough and it leads me to believe I am not enough and can't afford to burden anyone else by being someone's partner. It's lowkey one of the reasons I don't say anything more than goodnight to my crush. I'm affraid-

First and foremost, I've been having a lingering feeling of worthlessness and genuinely feeling that I am not important or special. If I'm alone with my thoughts these feelings linger, which is why I try and keep myself busy with work, streaming, etc, so I distract myself from this feeling.

True that, they are very understanding so I think even if relationship don't work they'd probs stay good friend / mutual

Thank you, I hope so as well but if not that's okay too. I don't wanna pressure them at all, so if it works out it works out, if not that ok

Thanks, my problem was mostly letting outside factors control and then my emotions on the other... so idk rn with my current crush im taking things as slow as possible, and seeing what they want. Hell most thing I do is give a nightly goodnight to 'em to show I care.

Thanks... idk part of me is looking at past relationships and just... idk how to put it into words other than "I would have done things differently". I have some regrets cause I think things could have worked out in another life.

First song will however be Imagine Dragons lol, say hello to my favorite song as of the past year+ youtu.be/CBDT9LkrrVc?...