i was sent here to heal people by making them laugh at the exact thing they thought was going to kill them

(but also i’m hot)

correction judge, im not 'difficult to work with' im difficult to half ass around.

Me: "Im Chill"

Also Me:
::writes a 17 point manifesto titled How to Not Disrespect Me and Die::

Creative collaboration is just code for ‘can I emotionally survive your communication style.’

crop dusted some polycule at a bar last night. on my #heteronormativebullshit

rewatching sleeping beauty–
these fairies go 16 years without using magic to hide aurora, fumble the bag on the last day, and go “we’re gonna make the WHOLE CITY go to sleep so they don’t realize we fucked up soooooo bad” and i gotta respect that

never forget

i think when i turn fifty ill enter my goth era

People in jail are like:
I needed money so I stole a car

People in a mental hospital are like:
I needed money so I jerked off in a mall

i, like nicole, want to be the baby girl, but just the lapping up milk like a cat parts

if gollum and nosferatu were roommates there would be an inevitable fight over one of them eating the other ones rat.

a person: i wanna kms

me: ok but maybe you could just kys AFTER we turn in the group project, tho

"people keep inviting me to their house to solve murders, but i also love a game of charades." - sherlock holmes, probabaly

ugh... who farted?