Insane Dad Advice
@insane-dad-advice.bsky.social
Deranged Dad here for all your advisory needs.
Today in our team Zoom meeting, I thought I was muting to yell at the cat but I was already muted, so now everyone thinks I unmuted to yell “NO” and then muted again.
July 30, 2025 at 7:52 PM
Today in our team Zoom meeting, I thought I was muting to yell at the cat but I was already muted, so now everyone thinks I unmuted to yell “NO” and then muted again.
My cat came over and stared at me for bit until I asked her what she wanted, and she meowed and walked away. She came back after a minute or so and did the same thing, meowed and walked away. So I decided to follow her and there was an ant in her water bowl.
July 28, 2025 at 5:09 PM
My cat came over and stared at me for bit until I asked her what she wanted, and she meowed and walked away. She came back after a minute or so and did the same thing, meowed and walked away. So I decided to follow her and there was an ant in her water bowl.
If you had told me in 1995 that in the future I would have a little computer that helped keep up with my friends that would one day be completely filled with Ozzy and Hulk Hogan, I would have assumed you were on meth.
July 24, 2025 at 4:19 PM
If you had told me in 1995 that in the future I would have a little computer that helped keep up with my friends that would one day be completely filled with Ozzy and Hulk Hogan, I would have assumed you were on meth.
Tuesdays are just Monday with a fancy hat on.
July 15, 2025 at 3:38 PM
Tuesdays are just Monday with a fancy hat on.
I had a whole ass post that I realized was way too niche and obscure to be recognized, so I posted this instead. (My original was: “Maybe Colonel William Prescott was just really bad at teaching marksmanship.”)
July 9, 2025 at 7:32 PM
I had a whole ass post that I realized was way too niche and obscure to be recognized, so I posted this instead. (My original was: “Maybe Colonel William Prescott was just really bad at teaching marksmanship.”)
Do we decorate a tree for Armageddon or what
June 22, 2025 at 8:03 PM
Do we decorate a tree for Armageddon or what
Christ seems like he was a pretty good dude; Christians, on the whole, not so much. Dispute not with them: they are lunatic.
June 22, 2025 at 2:09 PM
Christ seems like he was a pretty good dude; Christians, on the whole, not so much. Dispute not with them: they are lunatic.
Now that I don’t drink, I think I’m going to bartend on the weekends. Enjoy your Cottage Cheese Spritzers or Rumplemintz and spiders with my compliments!
June 8, 2025 at 1:38 AM
Now that I don’t drink, I think I’m going to bartend on the weekends. Enjoy your Cottage Cheese Spritzers or Rumplemintz and spiders with my compliments!
Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts, Trump supporters going nuts, pulling treason out their butts, and me without Habeas Corpus
May 21, 2025 at 1:20 PM
Great big gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts, Trump supporters going nuts, pulling treason out their butts, and me without Habeas Corpus
There are these compilation videos of (more often than not) some dude scaring his wife 146 times over a year or whatever, and I’m telling you I would have a hard time voting guilty if she murdered him in his sleep.
May 17, 2025 at 5:10 PM
There are these compilation videos of (more often than not) some dude scaring his wife 146 times over a year or whatever, and I’m telling you I would have a hard time voting guilty if she murdered him in his sleep.
Anyone else’s cat follow them around like a probation officer? I’ll shift on the sofa and she’ll appear out of nowhere like the ghost of what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-now.
May 12, 2025 at 5:11 PM
Anyone else’s cat follow them around like a probation officer? I’ll shift on the sofa and she’ll appear out of nowhere like the ghost of what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-now.
I love dogs, I really do. But my neighbor’s toy poodle has been barking nonstop for 3 hours and I would gleefully launch it several blocks away with a giant slingshot.
May 7, 2025 at 5:06 PM
I love dogs, I really do. But my neighbor’s toy poodle has been barking nonstop for 3 hours and I would gleefully launch it several blocks away with a giant slingshot.
The people who post videos of them trimming their cat’s claws clearly have much better insurance than I do.
May 3, 2025 at 8:03 PM
The people who post videos of them trimming their cat’s claws clearly have much better insurance than I do.
If “police” is plural, is one cop a polouse?
April 28, 2025 at 6:34 PM
If “police” is plural, is one cop a polouse?
This Saturday, I will, late at night, sneak into people’s yards and hide “extra” eggs filled with pudding. It’s the least I can do for their darling little ones.
April 18, 2025 at 7:56 PM
This Saturday, I will, late at night, sneak into people’s yards and hide “extra” eggs filled with pudding. It’s the least I can do for their darling little ones.
A client just said that I have “endless patience”. For a minute there I thought she obviously meant a different person since I yell at the microwave when it takes too long and have been known to threaten spoons when they fall in the dishwasher.
March 28, 2025 at 2:29 PM
A client just said that I have “endless patience”. For a minute there I thought she obviously meant a different person since I yell at the microwave when it takes too long and have been known to threaten spoons when they fall in the dishwasher.
By ordering Hegseth to cease cyber offensives against Russia, @donaldjtrump-maga.bsky.social has committed an act of treason. I do not understand why more people aren’t talking about this.
March 11, 2025 at 3:01 PM
By ordering Hegseth to cease cyber offensives against Russia, @donaldjtrump-maga.bsky.social has committed an act of treason. I do not understand why more people aren’t talking about this.
Teddy Roosevelt: Speak softly and carry a big stick.
Trump: You’re a nasty man and you make me feel bad, so I’m going to let your citizens die.
Trump: You’re a nasty man and you make me feel bad, so I’m going to let your citizens die.
March 1, 2025 at 2:42 PM
Teddy Roosevelt: Speak softly and carry a big stick.
Trump: You’re a nasty man and you make me feel bad, so I’m going to let your citizens die.
Trump: You’re a nasty man and you make me feel bad, so I’m going to let your citizens die.
White supremacists have infiltrated the highest offices in the land, but by all means, tell me again about those “savings”.
February 23, 2025 at 3:18 PM
White supremacists have infiltrated the highest offices in the land, but by all means, tell me again about those “savings”.
It’s not “savings”, it’s a war chest. The plan is not to make America better, it is to remake it the idealized version of a country for white supremacists. I don’t even think Trump was one of them, initially; they were just a target of opportunity for his megalomania.
February 22, 2025 at 4:11 PM
It’s not “savings”, it’s a war chest. The plan is not to make America better, it is to remake it the idealized version of a country for white supremacists. I don’t even think Trump was one of them, initially; they were just a target of opportunity for his megalomania.
For me, social media is just a waiting game for my fat thumb to accidentally hit 😂 on a friend’s death announcement for their sister so I can just stride resolutely into traffic.
February 16, 2025 at 6:39 PM
For me, social media is just a waiting game for my fat thumb to accidentally hit 😂 on a friend’s death announcement for their sister so I can just stride resolutely into traffic.
I’m incredibly disappointed in the Dem leadership. There should be all sorts of statements coming from all corners, including-hell, ESPECIALLY- past Presidents about the clear coup happening right in front of us
February 11, 2025 at 9:21 PM
I’m incredibly disappointed in the Dem leadership. There should be all sorts of statements coming from all corners, including-hell, ESPECIALLY- past Presidents about the clear coup happening right in front of us
Oh, and don’t think I forgot about you, Robbie…
February 9, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Oh, and don’t think I forgot about you, Robbie…
I’m going to keep making them…
February 9, 2025 at 8:24 PM
I’m going to keep making them…
The dumbasses are in charge, hide your change jars
February 9, 2025 at 12:55 AM
The dumbasses are in charge, hide your change jars