i have never seen a outfit that doesn't fuck from you

but also if i stand tall i will have the psychological effects of visually seeing the world from one or two inches higher than before. how will that change me?

and if i can stand and sit with more stability will i become a more patient person? do i lose any impulsivity that makes me me?

i was born gay but straight people adopted me :/

and my lower back itself isn't used to stabilizing the spine with the hips unlocked so it's getting a crazy workout

effectively i need to add a support garment for ankles, knees, and torso and i might triple how much energy i have left after wasting it all on being able to barely stand

and same with my ankles. i have had chronic shin splints for the past 9-10 months after making a mandatory lifestyle change, which more ankle support in shoes, and insoles, and compression socks, have only partially mitigated

the first benefit i have noticed is that i am Not Using as much Energy to stand up. i have loads more energy overall now.

but the huge problem is that my knees are not stable and if i'm standing up without locking them more often than before then they're getting blasted

i didn't talk much about bpd until a psych in the psych ward last year. i had had a "i think it's bipolar" phase

there's a whole chunk of ptsd-depression-bpd-cptsd mh cluster that i've been able to look at and process and i have some answers

and i have support and plans and hope for the future <3

and no one mentioning adoption trauma until roe vs. wade getting overruled made me a political pawn and got me to talking about it with a therapy student i got connected with by a free clinic

i am so blessed to have had the terrible experiences in the past few years leading me to where i am now

thank you <3

messy and (sorta) wise is so relatable

i am so glad that it is

why did it take tiktok for me to start getting my life back

why did it take tiktok for me to start getting my life back

not recently. i don't think that helped in 2017 but it might help with what i have now

how did a bone doctor (late 90s), a primary (early 00s), an orthopedic surgeon (late 2010s), a physiatrist (late 2010s), and a pain doctor (late 10s) not even mention hypermobility, let alone hEDS, as possible?

why did a primary do a shitty assessment and say "it's not hypermobility" to me in 2023?

and so i guess eight years later i am actually close to an actual diagnosis? like on my own i've been saying "i think i have a CCI for some reason" or like "i think i have spondylosis" but now can say "it's connective tissue and radiates from specific joints and focusing on neck stretches was stupid

anyway it was all just "penny is quirky" until 2017 when overnight i developed an 8/10 nerve pain experience unaffected by any treatment other than being completely tranquilized, with the end result being a mostly-non-problematic benzodiazepine dependency that only sort of destroyed me