Davy Hulme
@hulme.bsky.social
I’m posting jokes/pics I’ve received/sent on MMS/sms/email from the last 15 years. Enjoy 😊
When I was a kid at fat camp I fell in love with the biggest girl there.
She was my first big crush.
She was my first big crush.
February 5, 2026 at 1:47 PM
When I was a kid at fat camp I fell in love with the biggest girl there.
She was my first big crush.
She was my first big crush.
What do you call a priest on a motorcycle?
Rev.
Rev.
February 5, 2026 at 8:08 AM
What do you call a priest on a motorcycle?
Rev.
Rev.
Reposted by Davy Hulme
The most Brighton news headline ever.
February 4, 2026 at 2:03 PM
The most Brighton news headline ever.
Why are dogs terrible at dancing?
They have two left feet.
They have two left feet.
February 4, 2026 at 10:35 AM
Why are dogs terrible at dancing?
They have two left feet.
They have two left feet.
I can always thicken soup without flour…
But I will roux the day I can’t.
But I will roux the day I can’t.
February 4, 2026 at 8:07 AM
I can always thicken soup without flour…
But I will roux the day I can’t.
But I will roux the day I can’t.
I saw this RAC recovery vehicle at the traffic lights, the driver was sobbing uncontrollably at the wheel. I think he was heading for a breakdown.
February 4, 2026 at 7:05 AM
I saw this RAC recovery vehicle at the traffic lights, the driver was sobbing uncontrollably at the wheel. I think he was heading for a breakdown.
I can’t believe I got arrested for breaking into the zoo’s skunk exhibit.
I was only following odors.
I was only following odors.
February 3, 2026 at 4:16 PM
I can’t believe I got arrested for breaking into the zoo’s skunk exhibit.
I was only following odors.
I was only following odors.
I'd like to tell you a chemistry joke…but all the good ones Argon.
February 3, 2026 at 7:59 AM
I'd like to tell you a chemistry joke…but all the good ones Argon.
I had a big debate with a flat earther once.
It got heated and he stormed off saying he’ll walk to the end of the world to prove me wrong…
He’ll come round eventually, though.
It got heated and he stormed off saying he’ll walk to the end of the world to prove me wrong…
He’ll come round eventually, though.
February 2, 2026 at 8:28 PM
I had a big debate with a flat earther once.
It got heated and he stormed off saying he’ll walk to the end of the world to prove me wrong…
He’ll come round eventually, though.
It got heated and he stormed off saying he’ll walk to the end of the world to prove me wrong…
He’ll come round eventually, though.
Proud to say I’ve kept my New Year’s resolution for a month, now. I’m doing crunches twice a day…
Captain Crunch in the morning and Nestlé Crunch in the afternoon.
Captain Crunch in the morning and Nestlé Crunch in the afternoon.
February 2, 2026 at 10:00 AM
Proud to say I’ve kept my New Year’s resolution for a month, now. I’m doing crunches twice a day…
Captain Crunch in the morning and Nestlé Crunch in the afternoon.
Captain Crunch in the morning and Nestlé Crunch in the afternoon.
What does Tom Cruise and the month of February have in common?
They are both short.
They are both short.
February 1, 2026 at 1:17 PM
What does Tom Cruise and the month of February have in common?
They are both short.
They are both short.
February 1st, 1234 AD must’ve been the birth of the world’s best drummer
One/two /one two three four!
One/two /one two three four!
February 1, 2026 at 1:14 PM
February 1st, 1234 AD must’ve been the birth of the world’s best drummer
One/two /one two three four!
One/two /one two three four!
What do you call Batman who skips church on Sundays?
Christian Bale.
Christian Bale.
February 1, 2026 at 9:22 AM
What do you call Batman who skips church on Sundays?
Christian Bale.
Christian Bale.
I tried to impress our dinner guests with a sauce made from vodka, gravy & nitrous oxide but all I've done is make myself an Absolut laughing stock.
February 1, 2026 at 8:29 AM
I tried to impress our dinner guests with a sauce made from vodka, gravy & nitrous oxide but all I've done is make myself an Absolut laughing stock.
I thought I heard someone say hello to me in Arabic.
Turns out it was a false Salaam.
Turns out it was a false Salaam.
January 31, 2026 at 5:49 PM
I thought I heard someone say hello to me in Arabic.
Turns out it was a false Salaam.
Turns out it was a false Salaam.
The cashier at the corner shop asked me if I would like my milk in a bag…
I replied "No thanks, leave it in the carton".
I replied "No thanks, leave it in the carton".
January 31, 2026 at 9:23 AM
The cashier at the corner shop asked me if I would like my milk in a bag…
I replied "No thanks, leave it in the carton".
I replied "No thanks, leave it in the carton".
Germans must have short phone numbers
I asked this woman for her number and she told me "nine".
I asked this woman for her number and she told me "nine".
January 30, 2026 at 11:03 AM
Germans must have short phone numbers
I asked this woman for her number and she told me "nine".
I asked this woman for her number and she told me "nine".
You’ve heard of a Rolls Royce? Well, I drive a Rolls Canardly.
It rolls down one hill, and can’ardly get up the next!
It rolls down one hill, and can’ardly get up the next!
January 30, 2026 at 10:02 AM
You’ve heard of a Rolls Royce? Well, I drive a Rolls Canardly.
It rolls down one hill, and can’ardly get up the next!
It rolls down one hill, and can’ardly get up the next!
Last time a storm came through we had two feet of snow...
January 30, 2026 at 8:10 AM
Last time a storm came through we had two feet of snow...
What do you call the place where Karl Marx is buried?
A communist plot.
A communist plot.
January 29, 2026 at 12:36 PM
What do you call the place where Karl Marx is buried?
A communist plot.
A communist plot.
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January 29, 2026 at 8:54 AM
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Sadly the inventor of the throat lozenge has died..
There will be no coffin at his funeral.
There will be no coffin at his funeral.
January 29, 2026 at 8:53 AM
Sadly the inventor of the throat lozenge has died..
There will be no coffin at his funeral.
There will be no coffin at his funeral.
Don't try to make a belt out of herbs.
It's a waist of thyme.
It's a waist of thyme.
January 28, 2026 at 11:51 AM
Don't try to make a belt out of herbs.
It's a waist of thyme.
It's a waist of thyme.