Hey everyone, am I the asshole? My girlfriend wanted me to do the dishes this week, but I was working 12 hour days and I was just EXHAUSTED. I told her I would get them done but first I needed Donald trump to admit that he’s a PUSSY ASS BITCH.

Prosecute ICE. Prosecute the entire trump administration.

Is pulling yourself up by your bootstraps a sex thing? ‘Cause it sounds like a sex thing.

I am so sick of welfare queens like Elonia Musk and Jeff Bezos. They’re not even good looking.

Shutdown or no, trump and the repubelicans can still fund food stamps for starving children. They will not do that because the Republican Party hates you. Republicans want Americans to die.

Donald Jahosafat Trump’s calcified creep-gina void is proof that a negative furlong has less surface area than the mangina of a Raphael Eduardo “Ted” Cruz in a vacuum. Also, fuck trump. And fuck CBS. The “Republican Party” is, and always has been, a lie and a con. They are fucking with you.

Fam, why did Marco Rubio say that Donald Trump’s vagina feels like sandpaper?

When Life gives you lemons, give Life The Shocker.
It’ll make the same face, but there’s no finger in your butt.

“I want to hear from the Figs…. “Giff” or “Jiff?”

Either way…

FUCK MELONIA MUSK!!”

Apparently Elonia Musk wants us to believe that trans people are prone to abnormal amounts of violence.
This is extra funny to me because I always felt that he looks like a lesbian.

Leave Elon alone. He’s Nazi-divergent.

I mean, trump sez there’s only two genders, so it’s ok for me to like chicks with dicks, right

Elon Musk looks like he has a fetish for medical waste.

You know when you’re trying to save water so you don’t flush the toilet for a while and the whole room smells like piss? Is that the next 4 years of America?

So if they'd dropped a 10,000 pound, taxpayer-funded bomb on this healthcare CEO, I guess the media wouldn't make a big deal about it?

Well I lost my job so I thought, for once, let me be proactive and reach out to my social network: anybody know the cheapest way to get drunk?

So pissed. My Xbox died. I sent it back to Sony three weeks ago but ain’t heard shit.