watching the latest State of Play

Taking my small Italian child Ferrari to change its shitty nappy

They’re really doing it, girls xx

Pokémon is going to be 30 next year

This is so fucking funny to me, X sucks and Grok is garbage hahaha

in the market for a black lip gloss and am once again being forced to confront the existence of this:

My dad just tried to tell me how to cook part of the Christmas dinner and the last time I saw him cook was in the early 00s, when he burned a block of mince so badly it looked like charcoal. Merry Christmas!!

incredible that Sexyy Red is flogging these Claire’s-ass lip glosses for $100 that will force you to answer the question “what lip gloss are you wearing” with response including nut, coochie juice, yellow discharge and - my favourite- gonorrhoea.

me, one of the least senior members of my team in work, receiving a call from someone who thinks I’m important at 8.30pm

love u d boon x

however this Etsy advert has healed me

I just saw this on LinkedIn and it’s done real, tangible psychic damage to my wellbeing

They secretly love the thrill of accidentally stepping in dog shit. I bet that’s it.