One thing they don't teach you in human immersion classes is that canadian bacon isn't sourced from local canadians. Humans never have any good meat selection fml

I'm going to be playing a Gnoll Bloodhunter in a distant campaign my friend is planning in my D&D world. What food-based name can I give them? Examples (which you can affirm): Spear Mint, Benedict "Ben" Eggs, Linguine "Lin" [lastname], Alfredo "Al" [Lastname], Salivation "Sal" Cook...

Do you ever make your classic five-scoop ice cream cone, only to take ONE lick as @frostmaiden.bsky.social's face appears on all five balls?
"Hey Octavio, are you free tonight?" She asks.
"No!" As I throw my ice cream across the room.
"You mistake that as a request," She commands before a SPLAT.

Hey @levistus.bsky.social, Ray told me you made a deal with him to give him temporary legs so he could find me. He had a great old adventure looking for me, and I'm just wondering how I can repay you for that!

Rule #1 of a goblin tavern: If you ask what they have to drink, and they say, "we gots fireball," and the bartender is wearing a pointy hat, do not order fireball unless you're prepared to make a Dexterity saving throw, taking 8d6 fire damage on a failed save or half as much on a successful one.

What's the verdict on milk sandwiches? This is milk between two pieces of bread

Ray and I went to a concert last night that was so good that he still hasn't eaten because he is so sustained by the bardic presence. Does anyone know if that's healthy for a half-fish half-men half-siren half-god?

I don't usually say this in a derogatory way, but in the light of toxic masculinity, I would totally eat that.

I swear I am the chair of the Itty bitty critty committee.

In D&D, you either hitty critty or you shitty critty

My mom birthed me via c-section, which imposed many problems for the doctor, including but not limited to a grand quest he had to undertake to find a Vorpal Scalpel that could pierce Mama Bonetree's hide. Our family is all about causing complications for other people!

Ray did NOT just "Do you wanna go for a walk?" On me. I did NOT just do excited tippy taps

Ray has implied, but not outright said, that as a demigod and elemental, he might change his form if exposed to an aggressive amount of other elements.
So if he spends too much time with @frostmaiden.bsky.social he becomes Ray of Frost, I'm telling him this pun tonight tyvm

5e question: How mad at the DM would you be if he said, "The boss brings his guard up, spending a Legendary Action to Dodge" right before your turn as an AC attacker?

Can Auril and Levistus stop going on dates when I have legal permission to consume the contents of a burned-down butcher shop with several casualties? I had to use each point of my 18 intelligence to get that deal to a reasonable point, and now I'm hunting owlbears I don't even get to eat. -Octavio

Hello, all! This is Octavio, I fell out of the habit of posting because of recent events, but my life has not been any less eventful! I introduced Ray to a chocolate shake, only to find out it had a ½ kilo of sugar in it. If I don't post again, assume Ray mortally wounded me with his mouth zoomies!