Hollywood Hang Dong Challenge
@hollywoodhangdong.bsky.social
Amateur film critic. Looking to establish myself a bit more professionally with the film reviews I post here. Feel free to suggest films for me to rate!
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Welcome to the Hollywood Hang Dong Challenge!
I'm a firm believer that Hollywood needs to hang more dong. For far too long, the industry has been too rigid when it comes to male nudity; I'm here to express a stiff advocacy for embracing it! I'm hard up on my soapbox and hope you'll join me!
I'm a firm believer that Hollywood needs to hang more dong. For far too long, the industry has been too rigid when it comes to male nudity; I'm here to express a stiff advocacy for embracing it! I'm hard up on my soapbox and hope you'll join me!
Halloween is upon us! And with it the conclusion of the HalloWill Hang Dafong Challenge. The astute among you have probably already guessed today’s film; my work would simply be incomplete without reviewing it. But it’s a doozy, so strap in for a full thread.
Antichrist (2009)
?/10
Chapter 1/10
Antichrist (2009)
?/10
Chapter 1/10
October 31, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Halloween is upon us! And with it the conclusion of the HalloWill Hang Dafong Challenge. The astute among you have probably already guessed today’s film; my work would simply be incomplete without reviewing it. But it’s a doozy, so strap in for a full thread.
Antichrist (2009)
?/10
Chapter 1/10
Antichrist (2009)
?/10
Chapter 1/10
The Lighthouse (2019)
0/10 - Especially disappointing compared to the later Nosferatu, Eggers deeply misses the mark with this historic, atmospheric horror. Actively avoiding opportunities for both main characters here, especially Ephraim, we are left just wishing we could be fond of yer lobsters.
0/10 - Especially disappointing compared to the later Nosferatu, Eggers deeply misses the mark with this historic, atmospheric horror. Actively avoiding opportunities for both main characters here, especially Ephraim, we are left just wishing we could be fond of yer lobsters.
October 30, 2025 at 9:08 PM
The Lighthouse (2019)
0/10 - Especially disappointing compared to the later Nosferatu, Eggers deeply misses the mark with this historic, atmospheric horror. Actively avoiding opportunities for both main characters here, especially Ephraim, we are left just wishing we could be fond of yer lobsters.
0/10 - Especially disappointing compared to the later Nosferatu, Eggers deeply misses the mark with this historic, atmospheric horror. Actively avoiding opportunities for both main characters here, especially Ephraim, we are left just wishing we could be fond of yer lobsters.
Nosferatu (2024)
9/10 - Some folks may have asked whether we needed a new Nosferatu film in 2024. Robert Eggers answered with a mic drop by proudly displaying Count Orcock.
We wish the lighting afforded us a better view, and that a prosthetic was not used, but we still applaud vigorously.
9/10 - Some folks may have asked whether we needed a new Nosferatu film in 2024. Robert Eggers answered with a mic drop by proudly displaying Count Orcock.
We wish the lighting afforded us a better view, and that a prosthetic was not used, but we still applaud vigorously.
October 29, 2025 at 8:03 PM
Nosferatu (2024)
9/10 - Some folks may have asked whether we needed a new Nosferatu film in 2024. Robert Eggers answered with a mic drop by proudly displaying Count Orcock.
We wish the lighting afforded us a better view, and that a prosthetic was not used, but we still applaud vigorously.
9/10 - Some folks may have asked whether we needed a new Nosferatu film in 2024. Robert Eggers answered with a mic drop by proudly displaying Count Orcock.
We wish the lighting afforded us a better view, and that a prosthetic was not used, but we still applaud vigorously.
Alas, we have arrived at the eve of the eve of All Hallows’ Eve. As promised, the Hollywood Hang Dong Challenge has a special event planned, kicking off today!
Welcome to part one of a three-part, three-day series on Willem Dafoe horror: welcome to the HalloWill Hang Dafong Challenge!
Welcome to part one of a three-part, three-day series on Willem Dafoe horror: welcome to the HalloWill Hang Dafong Challenge!
October 29, 2025 at 7:53 PM
Alas, we have arrived at the eve of the eve of All Hallows’ Eve. As promised, the Hollywood Hang Dong Challenge has a special event planned, kicking off today!
Welcome to part one of a three-part, three-day series on Willem Dafoe horror: welcome to the HalloWill Hang Dafong Challenge!
Welcome to part one of a three-part, three-day series on Willem Dafoe horror: welcome to the HalloWill Hang Dafong Challenge!
The Wicker Man (1973)
0/10 - Seen by many as the quintessential folk horror, this film squanders ample opportunities to hang dong. A sharp contrast from its spiritual successor of Midsommar, despite its heavily featuring sex and sexual themes, it completely avoids any display of Wicker Dick(er).
0/10 - Seen by many as the quintessential folk horror, this film squanders ample opportunities to hang dong. A sharp contrast from its spiritual successor of Midsommar, despite its heavily featuring sex and sexual themes, it completely avoids any display of Wicker Dick(er).
October 28, 2025 at 10:51 PM
The Wicker Man (1973)
0/10 - Seen by many as the quintessential folk horror, this film squanders ample opportunities to hang dong. A sharp contrast from its spiritual successor of Midsommar, despite its heavily featuring sex and sexual themes, it completely avoids any display of Wicker Dick(er).
0/10 - Seen by many as the quintessential folk horror, this film squanders ample opportunities to hang dong. A sharp contrast from its spiritual successor of Midsommar, despite its heavily featuring sex and sexual themes, it completely avoids any display of Wicker Dick(er).
Teeth (2007)
8/10 - We must applaud this movie for its willingness to not only address important, difficult subject matter, but also to graphically hang dong in the process. Some obvious prosthetics detract from the display, but we do get a glimpse of authentic dong in the locker room scene.
8/10 - We must applaud this movie for its willingness to not only address important, difficult subject matter, but also to graphically hang dong in the process. Some obvious prosthetics detract from the display, but we do get a glimpse of authentic dong in the locker room scene.
October 27, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Teeth (2007)
8/10 - We must applaud this movie for its willingness to not only address important, difficult subject matter, but also to graphically hang dong in the process. Some obvious prosthetics detract from the display, but we do get a glimpse of authentic dong in the locker room scene.
8/10 - We must applaud this movie for its willingness to not only address important, difficult subject matter, but also to graphically hang dong in the process. Some obvious prosthetics detract from the display, but we do get a glimpse of authentic dong in the locker room scene.
Jaws (1975)
1/10 - Between the fact that this movie technically contains female nudity, and more importantly the intense homoerotic energy between all 3 of Hooper, Quint, and Brody, Jaws easily could have hung dong.
They’re gonna need a bigger boat. We’re gonna need a bigger (and exposed) bulge.
1/10 - Between the fact that this movie technically contains female nudity, and more importantly the intense homoerotic energy between all 3 of Hooper, Quint, and Brody, Jaws easily could have hung dong.
They’re gonna need a bigger boat. We’re gonna need a bigger (and exposed) bulge.
October 26, 2025 at 9:22 PM
Jaws (1975)
1/10 - Between the fact that this movie technically contains female nudity, and more importantly the intense homoerotic energy between all 3 of Hooper, Quint, and Brody, Jaws easily could have hung dong.
They’re gonna need a bigger boat. We’re gonna need a bigger (and exposed) bulge.
1/10 - Between the fact that this movie technically contains female nudity, and more importantly the intense homoerotic energy between all 3 of Hooper, Quint, and Brody, Jaws easily could have hung dong.
They’re gonna need a bigger boat. We’re gonna need a bigger (and exposed) bulge.
Ghostwatch (1992)
3/10 - This innovative foray into live docu-horror certainly revolves heavily around two children, and of course, nobody is asking to subject the two of them to dong hangs. But outside the house? In the park? In the studio? So many places where we could have seen Pipes’s pipe…
3/10 - This innovative foray into live docu-horror certainly revolves heavily around two children, and of course, nobody is asking to subject the two of them to dong hangs. But outside the house? In the park? In the studio? So many places where we could have seen Pipes’s pipe…
October 25, 2025 at 8:18 PM
Ghostwatch (1992)
3/10 - This innovative foray into live docu-horror certainly revolves heavily around two children, and of course, nobody is asking to subject the two of them to dong hangs. But outside the house? In the park? In the studio? So many places where we could have seen Pipes’s pipe…
3/10 - This innovative foray into live docu-horror certainly revolves heavily around two children, and of course, nobody is asking to subject the two of them to dong hangs. But outside the house? In the park? In the studio? So many places where we could have seen Pipes’s pipe…
Midsommar (2019)
10/10 - Barely one year after a strong showing in Hereditary, Ari Aster’s iconic folk horror masterpiece manages to exceed all expectations. We are treated to everything we could possibly ask for: multiple, prolonged, plot relevant shots with a full display. Bravo, Ari! Bravo!
10/10 - Barely one year after a strong showing in Hereditary, Ari Aster’s iconic folk horror masterpiece manages to exceed all expectations. We are treated to everything we could possibly ask for: multiple, prolonged, plot relevant shots with a full display. Bravo, Ari! Bravo!
October 25, 2025 at 12:01 AM
Midsommar (2019)
10/10 - Barely one year after a strong showing in Hereditary, Ari Aster’s iconic folk horror masterpiece manages to exceed all expectations. We are treated to everything we could possibly ask for: multiple, prolonged, plot relevant shots with a full display. Bravo, Ari! Bravo!
10/10 - Barely one year after a strong showing in Hereditary, Ari Aster’s iconic folk horror masterpiece manages to exceed all expectations. We are treated to everything we could possibly ask for: multiple, prolonged, plot relevant shots with a full display. Bravo, Ari! Bravo!
Longlegs (2024)
1/10 - You know what they say about a guy with Longlegs? Osgood Perkins made it so we’ll never know for sure about Nicolas Cage’s character, but we know in our hearts.
Furthermore, he deprived us of the opportunity to be under Blair Underwood’s wood, which is another travesty.
1/10 - You know what they say about a guy with Longlegs? Osgood Perkins made it so we’ll never know for sure about Nicolas Cage’s character, but we know in our hearts.
Furthermore, he deprived us of the opportunity to be under Blair Underwood’s wood, which is another travesty.
October 23, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Longlegs (2024)
1/10 - You know what they say about a guy with Longlegs? Osgood Perkins made it so we’ll never know for sure about Nicolas Cage’s character, but we know in our hearts.
Furthermore, he deprived us of the opportunity to be under Blair Underwood’s wood, which is another travesty.
1/10 - You know what they say about a guy with Longlegs? Osgood Perkins made it so we’ll never know for sure about Nicolas Cage’s character, but we know in our hearts.
Furthermore, he deprived us of the opportunity to be under Blair Underwood’s wood, which is another travesty.
Scream (1996)
2/10 - On the one hand, it's tempting to say this should receive a 0/10 for its implied sex scene that refuses to hang dong. On the other hand, these characters are teenagers, so it's reasonable to give a pass. On the other other hand, Ghostface definitely could have hung Ghostdong.
2/10 - On the one hand, it's tempting to say this should receive a 0/10 for its implied sex scene that refuses to hang dong. On the other hand, these characters are teenagers, so it's reasonable to give a pass. On the other other hand, Ghostface definitely could have hung Ghostdong.
October 22, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Scream (1996)
2/10 - On the one hand, it's tempting to say this should receive a 0/10 for its implied sex scene that refuses to hang dong. On the other hand, these characters are teenagers, so it's reasonable to give a pass. On the other other hand, Ghostface definitely could have hung Ghostdong.
2/10 - On the one hand, it's tempting to say this should receive a 0/10 for its implied sex scene that refuses to hang dong. On the other hand, these characters are teenagers, so it's reasonable to give a pass. On the other other hand, Ghostface definitely could have hung Ghostdong.
Apologies for the lack of reviews this past week - I’ve been occupied with travel. Fear not and fret not: I’ll be back soon to continue spooky month at the HHDC.
And remember to tune in for a special review to cap it off on Halloween!
And remember to tune in for a special review to cap it off on Halloween!
October 17, 2025 at 12:47 AM
Apologies for the lack of reviews this past week - I’ve been occupied with travel. Fear not and fret not: I’ll be back soon to continue spooky month at the HHDC.
And remember to tune in for a special review to cap it off on Halloween!
And remember to tune in for a special review to cap it off on Halloween!
Smile 2 (2024)
6/10 - In the much anticipated sequel, Parker Finn shows that he learned from the first film's mistakes: but only technically. The single shot we get leaves doubt in the audience's mind, being shadowed and underexposed. But I can confirm that man, on the other hand, is fully exposed.
6/10 - In the much anticipated sequel, Parker Finn shows that he learned from the first film's mistakes: but only technically. The single shot we get leaves doubt in the audience's mind, being shadowed and underexposed. But I can confirm that man, on the other hand, is fully exposed.
October 8, 2025 at 9:23 PM
Smile 2 (2024)
6/10 - In the much anticipated sequel, Parker Finn shows that he learned from the first film's mistakes: but only technically. The single shot we get leaves doubt in the audience's mind, being shadowed and underexposed. But I can confirm that man, on the other hand, is fully exposed.
6/10 - In the much anticipated sequel, Parker Finn shows that he learned from the first film's mistakes: but only technically. The single shot we get leaves doubt in the audience's mind, being shadowed and underexposed. But I can confirm that man, on the other hand, is fully exposed.
Smile (2022)
3/10 - This movie’s audience left this movie with far less smiles than the movie itself had. Perhaps hanging dong would have upped that number a bit, but in fairness there aren’t a lot of missed opportunities for it, aside from the entity’s entity, which would have been a slam dunk.
3/10 - This movie’s audience left this movie with far less smiles than the movie itself had. Perhaps hanging dong would have upped that number a bit, but in fairness there aren’t a lot of missed opportunities for it, aside from the entity’s entity, which would have been a slam dunk.
October 7, 2025 at 10:47 PM
Smile (2022)
3/10 - This movie’s audience left this movie with far less smiles than the movie itself had. Perhaps hanging dong would have upped that number a bit, but in fairness there aren’t a lot of missed opportunities for it, aside from the entity’s entity, which would have been a slam dunk.
3/10 - This movie’s audience left this movie with far less smiles than the movie itself had. Perhaps hanging dong would have upped that number a bit, but in fairness there aren’t a lot of missed opportunities for it, aside from the entity’s entity, which would have been a slam dunk.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
0/10 - This one is simple: if a movie is willing to show us "wet nuts," it should absolutely be willing to hang dong as well. It doesn't get clearer than that.
0/10 - This one is simple: if a movie is willing to show us "wet nuts," it should absolutely be willing to hang dong as well. It doesn't get clearer than that.
October 6, 2025 at 11:02 PM
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
0/10 - This one is simple: if a movie is willing to show us "wet nuts," it should absolutely be willing to hang dong as well. It doesn't get clearer than that.
0/10 - This one is simple: if a movie is willing to show us "wet nuts," it should absolutely be willing to hang dong as well. It doesn't get clearer than that.
Skinamarink (2022)
5/10 - Given how much of the screen time revolves around children, this movie is a textbook example of the rare: "I can forgive them for not hanging dong" (though for legal reasons, the max rating I can give it is a 5).
But I'll never forgive them for that fucking phone...
5/10 - Given how much of the screen time revolves around children, this movie is a textbook example of the rare: "I can forgive them for not hanging dong" (though for legal reasons, the max rating I can give it is a 5).
But I'll never forgive them for that fucking phone...
October 5, 2025 at 8:36 PM
Skinamarink (2022)
5/10 - Given how much of the screen time revolves around children, this movie is a textbook example of the rare: "I can forgive them for not hanging dong" (though for legal reasons, the max rating I can give it is a 5).
But I'll never forgive them for that fucking phone...
5/10 - Given how much of the screen time revolves around children, this movie is a textbook example of the rare: "I can forgive them for not hanging dong" (though for legal reasons, the max rating I can give it is a 5).
But I'll never forgive them for that fucking phone...
The Thing (1982)
2/10 - The Thing. Come on… The THING! It’s right there in the title! This movie delivers many thrilling and chilling moments, leaving the audience on constant alert for who’s human and who’s not. But all those men? Out there in the cold? We should have been on hard alert as well.
2/10 - The Thing. Come on… The THING! It’s right there in the title! This movie delivers many thrilling and chilling moments, leaving the audience on constant alert for who’s human and who’s not. But all those men? Out there in the cold? We should have been on hard alert as well.
October 5, 2025 at 12:42 AM
The Thing (1982)
2/10 - The Thing. Come on… The THING! It’s right there in the title! This movie delivers many thrilling and chilling moments, leaving the audience on constant alert for who’s human and who’s not. But all those men? Out there in the cold? We should have been on hard alert as well.
2/10 - The Thing. Come on… The THING! It’s right there in the title! This movie delivers many thrilling and chilling moments, leaving the audience on constant alert for who’s human and who’s not. But all those men? Out there in the cold? We should have been on hard alert as well.
The Shining (1980)
0/10 - This supposed "masterpiece of modern horror" really misses the mark. Are we really supposed to believe while Jack is losing his mind, he's never once also losing his pants? And then of course the infamous bear scene perfectly tees up a dong hang, but: swing and a miss...
0/10 - This supposed "masterpiece of modern horror" really misses the mark. Are we really supposed to believe while Jack is losing his mind, he's never once also losing his pants? And then of course the infamous bear scene perfectly tees up a dong hang, but: swing and a miss...
October 3, 2025 at 8:59 PM
The Shining (1980)
0/10 - This supposed "masterpiece of modern horror" really misses the mark. Are we really supposed to believe while Jack is losing his mind, he's never once also losing his pants? And then of course the infamous bear scene perfectly tees up a dong hang, but: swing and a miss...
0/10 - This supposed "masterpiece of modern horror" really misses the mark. Are we really supposed to believe while Jack is losing his mind, he's never once also losing his pants? And then of course the infamous bear scene perfectly tees up a dong hang, but: swing and a miss...
Hereditary (2018)
7/10 - This widely acclaimed horror film offers several images that stick in the heads of its viewers. Among these are four separate heads (and shafts) in full view. However, in each shot, the bodies are shrouded or shadowed in a way that works against this proud display.
7/10 - This widely acclaimed horror film offers several images that stick in the heads of its viewers. Among these are four separate heads (and shafts) in full view. However, in each shot, the bodies are shrouded or shadowed in a way that works against this proud display.
October 2, 2025 at 8:38 PM
Hereditary (2018)
7/10 - This widely acclaimed horror film offers several images that stick in the heads of its viewers. Among these are four separate heads (and shafts) in full view. However, in each shot, the bodies are shrouded or shadowed in a way that works against this proud display.
7/10 - This widely acclaimed horror film offers several images that stick in the heads of its viewers. Among these are four separate heads (and shafts) in full view. However, in each shot, the bodies are shrouded or shadowed in a way that works against this proud display.
Kicking off spooky month here with:
Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)
1/10 - A pioneer of the comedy horror genre, this film heavily leaned into several common horror tropes by sexualizing its characters. And yet, with rife opportunities to do so, we are not once treated to any Alan Tu-dick...
Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)
1/10 - A pioneer of the comedy horror genre, this film heavily leaned into several common horror tropes by sexualizing its characters. And yet, with rife opportunities to do so, we are not once treated to any Alan Tu-dick...
October 1, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Kicking off spooky month here with:
Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)
1/10 - A pioneer of the comedy horror genre, this film heavily leaned into several common horror tropes by sexualizing its characters. And yet, with rife opportunities to do so, we are not once treated to any Alan Tu-dick...
Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)
1/10 - A pioneer of the comedy horror genre, this film heavily leaned into several common horror tropes by sexualizing its characters. And yet, with rife opportunities to do so, we are not once treated to any Alan Tu-dick...
It's officially spooky month! To celebrate, we'll be doing a full month of Horror movie reviews here at the Hollywood Hang Dong Challenge! Stay tuned for an extra special review to cap it all off on Halloween!
October 1, 2025 at 7:39 PM
It's officially spooky month! To celebrate, we'll be doing a full month of Horror movie reviews here at the Hollywood Hang Dong Challenge! Stay tuned for an extra special review to cap it all off on Halloween!
The Hateful Eight (2015)
7/10 - 20 years after the disaster that was Pulp Fiction, Tarantino shows us that he has finally learned how to tastefully hang dong. He's not serving it up on a platter, as most shots have it far away. But there are multiple clear shots of his hateful eight inches.
7/10 - 20 years after the disaster that was Pulp Fiction, Tarantino shows us that he has finally learned how to tastefully hang dong. He's not serving it up on a platter, as most shots have it far away. But there are multiple clear shots of his hateful eight inches.
September 30, 2025 at 7:45 PM
The Hateful Eight (2015)
7/10 - 20 years after the disaster that was Pulp Fiction, Tarantino shows us that he has finally learned how to tastefully hang dong. He's not serving it up on a platter, as most shots have it far away. But there are multiple clear shots of his hateful eight inches.
7/10 - 20 years after the disaster that was Pulp Fiction, Tarantino shows us that he has finally learned how to tastefully hang dong. He's not serving it up on a platter, as most shots have it far away. But there are multiple clear shots of his hateful eight inches.
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
4/10 - Nobody is asking for this movie to hang dong; it would be fair to say it doesn't need to. However, this movie already forces its audience to reconcile with so much visually and emotionally. Surely, we could handle them saving Ryan's privates in our minds as well.
4/10 - Nobody is asking for this movie to hang dong; it would be fair to say it doesn't need to. However, this movie already forces its audience to reconcile with so much visually and emotionally. Surely, we could handle them saving Ryan's privates in our minds as well.
September 29, 2025 at 11:46 PM
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
4/10 - Nobody is asking for this movie to hang dong; it would be fair to say it doesn't need to. However, this movie already forces its audience to reconcile with so much visually and emotionally. Surely, we could handle them saving Ryan's privates in our minds as well.
4/10 - Nobody is asking for this movie to hang dong; it would be fair to say it doesn't need to. However, this movie already forces its audience to reconcile with so much visually and emotionally. Surely, we could handle them saving Ryan's privates in our minds as well.
Weekend at Bernie's (1989)
2/10 - Does Bernie need to hang dong? No. But between the obvious "rigor mortis" jokes, the posthumous sex scene, and Richard's dad in his skivvies, hanging dong would have been quite doable, and would not have been out of place for this film at the time of its release.
2/10 - Does Bernie need to hang dong? No. But between the obvious "rigor mortis" jokes, the posthumous sex scene, and Richard's dad in his skivvies, hanging dong would have been quite doable, and would not have been out of place for this film at the time of its release.
September 28, 2025 at 11:06 PM
Weekend at Bernie's (1989)
2/10 - Does Bernie need to hang dong? No. But between the obvious "rigor mortis" jokes, the posthumous sex scene, and Richard's dad in his skivvies, hanging dong would have been quite doable, and would not have been out of place for this film at the time of its release.
2/10 - Does Bernie need to hang dong? No. But between the obvious "rigor mortis" jokes, the posthumous sex scene, and Richard's dad in his skivvies, hanging dong would have been quite doable, and would not have been out of place for this film at the time of its release.
Borat (2006)
9/10 - A surprise cultural phenomenon for many reasons, including one of the most infamous dong hangs (double dong, even!) in cinema history. We have full minutes of our main character in full glory. It may not be the dong hang we want, but it's the dong hang we deserved then and now.
9/10 - A surprise cultural phenomenon for many reasons, including one of the most infamous dong hangs (double dong, even!) in cinema history. We have full minutes of our main character in full glory. It may not be the dong hang we want, but it's the dong hang we deserved then and now.
September 27, 2025 at 6:57 PM
Borat (2006)
9/10 - A surprise cultural phenomenon for many reasons, including one of the most infamous dong hangs (double dong, even!) in cinema history. We have full minutes of our main character in full glory. It may not be the dong hang we want, but it's the dong hang we deserved then and now.
9/10 - A surprise cultural phenomenon for many reasons, including one of the most infamous dong hangs (double dong, even!) in cinema history. We have full minutes of our main character in full glory. It may not be the dong hang we want, but it's the dong hang we deserved then and now.