i fucking hate you
there is no sugarcoating this anymore.

can i do it now? could i do it then?
or is this a matter only settled through my own passing?

i'm not even another number on the board.
i'm just collateral damage

there will always be someone more capable than me.
more stable. more skilled. more loved.
the world will forget anyway. earth will keep spinning and people will keep killing and hurting and dying.
i'm not needed or wanted here.
i'm not even just another mouth to feed or another name to know.

im just ugly and stupid
i cant remember anything
im always off track or focused on the wrong thing
i just wanna be the perfect child
the perfect child that doesnt hate their parents
or their fake personas
or just themself

any happiness i show to others is just for their comfort
i hide myself in a shell for appreciation and belonging
all i want is care
but everyone turns it away because they only care for the fake persona i make for them

nobody really loves me
i dont deserve a body or skin or organs for such a useless soul
why do i get these luxuries when it feels like my very existence is a curse
im just an obstacle