She looks at you in the eye and says “Hey fatty…boom boom.”

Back the fuck up… what on what now? Nobody told me this could happen.

Also… why forfeit this opportunity to let Republicans explain why government is good and should be funded for a change.

This is awkward, but I think you misheard me when I called with the results. I said “nutria meat.” You’re being reformulated with nutria meat. You know… from the radioactive nutria bite in the lab?

Me after two lattes rn

You rang, broseph?

I don’t know the context of this comment and I never want to.

Thinkers On a Half-Shell

Ayn Gland would be a terrifying villain in Teenage Mutant Debate Club Turtles.

I got nervous (🍄) and decided to just let the night exist as a perfect ephemeral memory. It was really incredible, thank you.

Hey Zoe Keating! I’m coming to see your show in Houston. If the villainous nun nickname Sister Rosie jogs a memory and you have a hot second to say hello, I’d love to say hi. If not, I totally understand and will totally enjoy just seeing you live! - The Human Formerly Known As Sr Rosie

Thank you for this! We don't need more hair-on-fire shit from people like Schumer nebulously demanding that somebody somewhere do something. THIS is what we needed.

Or Zedars