The bit where he talks about doing acid at the awards made my wife laugh the most I’ve heard her do in 25 years. Amazing.

Fist bumping Goldie, who for some reason grabbed my fist, and then recoiled in horror

Same day I was this close to telling David Blunkett that he “can’t bring dogs in here”. I still have no idea how I didn’t realise that it as 1. David Blunkett and 2. A very obvious guide dog. Luckily I stopped speaking as I reach the d in dogs.

Does saying to Sir Trevor McDonald “yes Sir Trevor, you alright?” then going to high five him, but he (obviously) doesn’t high five back and just says “yes, very well, thank you” while your hand is still in the air count?

Colin Farrel plays a flightless bird only not an actual bird, but whatever

Well actually, if you have an OLED screen on your blower, the colour black is a powered off pixel, so if nothing else you are saving battery by not lighting up those motherfuckers. And yes, I have used language that is non-technical here.

And if at first you don't succeed (first you don't succeed)
Then dust yourself off and try again

Sorry man

Basildon boys gonna drop some lyrics

No chance. None. Zero.