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I don’t like that I feel constantly confused about so much that is going on :<

When someone asks me if I want to hang out and then doesn’t respond after I do (and I mean no response for hours on end but are responding to others elsewhere), I feel the urge to change my mind and say “actually nevermind” 💀

What I /want/ to do is isolate, write, draw, paint and crochet lol

Like I have so many goals and none of them involve streaming. I really don’t think it was something that was for me. Maybe content creation in some capacity cause YouTube seems doable I just haven’t had the spoons to try it out fully.

I really just think I need to step away from online (streamer) spaces for awhile. I’m getting irritated by a lot of what people are doing and it’s just getting to me.
The amount of times I’ve wanted to delete everything (too attached lol)

Sometimes I forget about this account and realize I could just shit post here. 💀

I think someone assumed that I told a secret instead of asking if I did and I’m upset. Like I would get it if I did it but I didn’t and I feel I get blamed a lot for things :/

It gets on my nerves when people find offense in my saying that I don’t have friends. Because why do people think that their acquaintanceship deserves to be recognized for more than what it is?

I keep trying to fit into this friend group and I don’t feel like I do. I feel like I’m just supposed to be a jester and make everyone laugh, but I don’t want to just make everyone laugh.
I don’t feel seen. I don’t feel like anyone wants to actually get to know me.

I’m not cut out for friendships. Making or maintaining. Just doesn’t work.

I no longer care for “poopoopeepee”, for it has now evolved into “Poopoopeep!” 🤭

It’s honestly triggering for me when people ask things like “why are you doing (x,y,z)?” Because it reminds me of the times allistic people have criticized me phrasing things this way.

Just when I think the morning sickness is over with I get hit with it. Tummy troubles LEAVE ME ALONE!!! 😭