Helena Lancaster
@helenalwrites.bsky.social
♓️🐲🇺🇸 37, Writer (Fantasy, Poetry, & More), Goth, Historian, Nerd (lover of SciFi/Fantasy, Comics, etc), Cat Lady, Music Lover, Feminist, Free Spirit, Spread love not hate, 🔵 in red state, love is love, Ally of 🏳️🌈, she/her
http://helenalwrites.wordpress.com
http://helenalwrites.wordpress.com
I have an adopted kitty and have had one for almost 12 years now!
April 30, 2025 at 6:04 PM
I have an adopted kitty and have had one for almost 12 years now!
want to do the right thing. That part of me really sucks. I truly don’t wish these feelings or experiences on another soul. I feel like a broken and cursed human being right now. All I’ve ever wanted is to feel loved & not question if it’s real love or being used to manipulate me. This is why 20/20
February 23, 2025 at 9:24 PM
want to do the right thing. That part of me really sucks. I truly don’t wish these feelings or experiences on another soul. I feel like a broken and cursed human being right now. All I’ve ever wanted is to feel loved & not question if it’s real love or being used to manipulate me. This is why 20/20
this broken heart from a family on no one. I don’t even wish it on them. I still love them. That’s the worst part. I wouldn’t even wish this on my worst enemy. They broke my heart. They ripped it to shreds. I would never even wish them this pain. I’d still do anything for them because I’d still 19/
February 23, 2025 at 9:23 PM
this broken heart from a family on no one. I don’t even wish it on them. I still love them. That’s the worst part. I wouldn’t even wish this on my worst enemy. They broke my heart. They ripped it to shreds. I would never even wish them this pain. I’d still do anything for them because I’d still 19/
them when they need it however you can. You don’t make them take blame for things that aren’t their fault. You support them. You lift them up. All of this was never love. All I gave was love. All I wanted and asked for was love. Yet all I ever got was everything but love in the end. And I wish 18/
February 23, 2025 at 9:22 PM
them when they need it however you can. You don’t make them take blame for things that aren’t their fault. You support them. You lift them up. All of this was never love. All I gave was love. All I wanted and asked for was love. Yet all I ever got was everything but love in the end. And I wish 18/
from a place of love. I say you don’t destroy someone you love. You support them. You learn who they truly are. You love them no matter what. You don’t put them down. You don’t blame them. You don’t trigger them or traumatize them. You give them love. You don’t do things to hurt them. You help 17/
February 23, 2025 at 9:19 PM
from a place of love. I say you don’t destroy someone you love. You support them. You learn who they truly are. You love them no matter what. You don’t put them down. You don’t blame them. You don’t trigger them or traumatize them. You give them love. You don’t do things to hurt them. You help 17/
even care what they’ve done because they feel so justified in what they’ve done because I was wrong in causing this drama and just need to be accountable. I need to grow up. That is what they said. They are lucky I didn’t say something worse than leave me alone. They say hard conversations come 16/
February 23, 2025 at 9:17 PM
even care what they’ve done because they feel so justified in what they’ve done because I was wrong in causing this drama and just need to be accountable. I need to grow up. That is what they said. They are lucky I didn’t say something worse than leave me alone. They say hard conversations come 16/
can just be left alone by them. I’ve been left alone enough. So I’d rather be alone. I may hate it but it’s better than to have such people in my life that bring me down so low it destroys me from the inside out. It makes me feel such dark thoughts that I don’t dare repeat them. And they don’t 15/
February 23, 2025 at 9:14 PM
can just be left alone by them. I’ve been left alone enough. So I’d rather be alone. I may hate it but it’s better than to have such people in my life that bring me down so low it destroys me from the inside out. It makes me feel such dark thoughts that I don’t dare repeat them. And they don’t 15/
never make time outside of these events to spend time with me and get to know who I truly am, yet they can make time to have one of these conversations. It shows a lot about their true priorities as people and family members. It shows a lot about what I mean to them. If I mean so little then I 14/
February 23, 2025 at 9:13 PM
never make time outside of these events to spend time with me and get to know who I truly am, yet they can make time to have one of these conversations. It shows a lot about their true priorities as people and family members. It shows a lot about what I mean to them. If I mean so little then I 14/
own lives because when I brought up how I practically begged them to spend time with me outside of birthdays and holidays, they gave me nothing but excuses if I got a response at all. Yet they always have time to spend with everyone else. It shows how much I truly matter to them because they can 13/
February 23, 2025 at 9:11 PM
own lives because when I brought up how I practically begged them to spend time with me outside of birthdays and holidays, they gave me nothing but excuses if I got a response at all. Yet they always have time to spend with everyone else. It shows how much I truly matter to them because they can 13/
horrible person that didn’t deserve to be part of the family. It was like I was only around holidays and birthdays out of obligation. I felt like they enjoyed doing what they just did to me. Like hurting me was something they did to make them feel better for something they’re lacking in their 12/
February 23, 2025 at 9:08 PM
horrible person that didn’t deserve to be part of the family. It was like I was only around holidays and birthdays out of obligation. I felt like they enjoyed doing what they just did to me. Like hurting me was something they did to make them feel better for something they’re lacking in their 12/
around and clearly never did. They tried to say words so I came back with actions speak louder. They had said that damage was done but the truth was they did more damage to me with how they would not stop berating me. They would not stop coming at me with the non stop attacks like I was this 11/
February 23, 2025 at 9:06 PM
around and clearly never did. They tried to say words so I came back with actions speak louder. They had said that damage was done but the truth was they did more damage to me with how they would not stop berating me. They would not stop coming at me with the non stop attacks like I was this 11/
with being spoken to that way. I especially won’t when I’ve put more work into such relationships than other parties. I made it clear if it’s going to be that way then leave me alone. I’m done. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been disrespected. It’s clear how they really feel about me. They don’t want me 10/
February 23, 2025 at 9:04 PM
with being spoken to that way. I especially won’t when I’ve put more work into such relationships than other parties. I made it clear if it’s going to be that way then leave me alone. I’m done. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been disrespected. It’s clear how they really feel about me. They don’t want me 10/
was trying to use them to cause a problem. It doesn’t blame them for asking for help. It doesn’t scapegoat for people because they admit they have shortcomings. I said I’ll admit I have shortcomings and flaws but I will not take the blame for this. I’m allowed to ask for help. I will not be okay 9/
February 23, 2025 at 9:03 PM
was trying to use them to cause a problem. It doesn’t blame them for asking for help. It doesn’t scapegoat for people because they admit they have shortcomings. I said I’ll admit I have shortcomings and flaws but I will not take the blame for this. I’m allowed to ask for help. I will not be okay 9/
And I’m being told all of this came from a place of love? Oh no thank you! Screw you and your faux ideas of what love is! This isn’t love. It’s manipulation. Love doesn’t stomp on triggers. It doesn’t make people take blame for things they didn’t do when they were trying to help when someone else 8/
February 23, 2025 at 9:01 PM
And I’m being told all of this came from a place of love? Oh no thank you! Screw you and your faux ideas of what love is! This isn’t love. It’s manipulation. Love doesn’t stomp on triggers. It doesn’t make people take blame for things they didn’t do when they were trying to help when someone else 8/
before it got bigger though I was being used as a pawn in the mess. But, no I should take the blame? Are you fucking crazy? Hell no! I didn’t do anything wrong! I asked for help fixing it because of my own shortcomings and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Oh but now it is wrong? WTF!?! 7/
February 23, 2025 at 8:59 PM
before it got bigger though I was being used as a pawn in the mess. But, no I should take the blame? Are you fucking crazy? Hell no! I didn’t do anything wrong! I asked for help fixing it because of my own shortcomings and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Oh but now it is wrong? WTF!?! 7/
have time spent with me so I can truly be known for the person I truly am. I have not even been given that. Not even once. No, they give out an illusion created in their minds of me which is far from the reality of who I truly am. Now as always I’m scapegoated to a problem that I tried to solve 6/
February 23, 2025 at 8:47 PM
have time spent with me so I can truly be known for the person I truly am. I have not even been given that. Not even once. No, they give out an illusion created in their minds of me which is far from the reality of who I truly am. Now as always I’m scapegoated to a problem that I tried to solve 6/
I’ve cried so much I have to take allergy meds because I’m stopped up from it. I’ve said leave me alone so much I don’t know what else to say. I would rather be alone because I’ve mainly been alone than deal with such treatment. No one deserves to deal with that. I mean I have begged just to 5/
February 23, 2025 at 8:45 PM
I’ve cried so much I have to take allergy meds because I’m stopped up from it. I’ve said leave me alone so much I don’t know what else to say. I would rather be alone because I’ve mainly been alone than deal with such treatment. No one deserves to deal with that. I mean I have begged just to 5/
spoken to in some of the most cruel ways and told it’s just what family does because it’s part of love. No that isn’t love as I ended up in the floor crying telling them I’d rather be dead. The ache from being so unwanted and feeling so unloved is so indescribable, yet so off the richter scale. 4/
February 23, 2025 at 8:43 PM
spoken to in some of the most cruel ways and told it’s just what family does because it’s part of love. No that isn’t love as I ended up in the floor crying telling them I’d rather be dead. The ache from being so unwanted and feeling so unloved is so indescribable, yet so off the richter scale. 4/
unloved person in the world. I’ve given so much of my heart and soul out to get nothing good back. I ask to be known for who I am. I can’t even get time spent with me other than holidays and birthdays. I beg for it. I always get excuses. I got more today. My triggers don’t get respected. I’m 3/
February 23, 2025 at 8:40 PM
unloved person in the world. I’ve given so much of my heart and soul out to get nothing good back. I ask to be known for who I am. I can’t even get time spent with me other than holidays and birthdays. I beg for it. I always get excuses. I got more today. My triggers don’t get respected. I’m 3/
of being hurt by my own loved ones. I’m tired of continued trauma. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter. I’m tired of one thing being said but another being meant. I’m tired of feeling like I’m absolutely nothing to people who should love me. I’m tired of feeling like the most miserable and 2/
February 23, 2025 at 8:39 PM
of being hurt by my own loved ones. I’m tired of continued trauma. I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter. I’m tired of one thing being said but another being meant. I’m tired of feeling like I’m absolutely nothing to people who should love me. I’m tired of feeling like the most miserable and 2/