Xela (Vent Alt)
@heathenless-scum.bsky.social
Vent account. DNI if you don't follow on main.
Probs won't get used often.
I'm a lot more fucked up than you think, or that you'll ever see
It'd be better for you to move on.
Probs won't get used often.
I'm a lot more fucked up than you think, or that you'll ever see
It'd be better for you to move on.
I feel so bad, cause I was watching frieren with my gf earlier, and like, I felt like a burden cause she's already watched it, plus she was also doing something else in the background and this is all happening cause I won't get an adblocker because I feel bad about using them
January 3, 2026 at 11:38 PM
I feel so bad, cause I was watching frieren with my gf earlier, and like, I felt like a burden cause she's already watched it, plus she was also doing something else in the background and this is all happening cause I won't get an adblocker because I feel bad about using them
Being on the internet is weird, because at the same time, I build up relations a lot quicker, and feel more connected to the person than I should be, and feel like I know more of them than I do, but at the same time I never feel close enough to conversate with them
January 2, 2026 at 10:38 PM
Being on the internet is weird, because at the same time, I build up relations a lot quicker, and feel more connected to the person than I should be, and feel like I know more of them than I do, but at the same time I never feel close enough to conversate with them
I think I've finally realised why I enter all art with unbreakable optimism before it is shattered in 10 mins.
I can visualise something clearly, but it fades quickly and I never get it back, so I just don't know what I'm doing any more
I can visualise something clearly, but it fades quickly and I never get it back, so I just don't know what I'm doing any more
December 31, 2025 at 10:22 PM
I think I've finally realised why I enter all art with unbreakable optimism before it is shattered in 10 mins.
I can visualise something clearly, but it fades quickly and I never get it back, so I just don't know what I'm doing any more
I can visualise something clearly, but it fades quickly and I never get it back, so I just don't know what I'm doing any more
That's four.
Shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up.
If you're wondering why I (almost) never interact with interaction bait, it's cuz a lot of em are like general opinion based shit and it's like, zawg Idfk
I have like 3 levels of affection: I hate you, I tolerate you, I like you and I love you. Don't ask for specifics, I don't know either.
I have like 3 levels of affection: I hate you, I tolerate you, I like you and I love you. Don't ask for specifics, I don't know either.
December 30, 2025 at 10:53 PM
That's four.
Shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up.
Me: I'm way too sleepy to eat, fuck dinner
Also me: I'm gonna do these 10 things before I go to bed
...
Me: What kinda rabbit hole did I just fucking fall into
Also me: I'm gonna do these 10 things before I go to bed
...
Me: What kinda rabbit hole did I just fucking fall into
December 30, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Me: I'm way too sleepy to eat, fuck dinner
Also me: I'm gonna do these 10 things before I go to bed
...
Me: What kinda rabbit hole did I just fucking fall into
Also me: I'm gonna do these 10 things before I go to bed
...
Me: What kinda rabbit hole did I just fucking fall into
Reposted by Xela (Vent Alt)
Btw I have like, seven different typing styles, try not to read too hard into any of them, it doesn't indicate anything it's just what feels right in the moment
Tbf there's probably a pattern somewhere, but if I don't know it then you won't either
Tbf there's probably a pattern somewhere, but if I don't know it then you won't either
December 29, 2025 at 8:52 PM
Btw I have like, seven different typing styles, try not to read too hard into any of them, it doesn't indicate anything it's just what feels right in the moment
Tbf there's probably a pattern somewhere, but if I don't know it then you won't either
Tbf there's probably a pattern somewhere, but if I don't know it then you won't either
Mums making me wear a stupid fucking cross necklace and I wouldn't mind if the chain was longer or if I could take off the damn thing to like, sleep??? But nooooooo, it has to stay on me or I'll get pOsSeSsEd By DeMoNs oooooooo, spooooky
Fucking hate it here.
Fucking hate it here.
December 29, 2025 at 11:04 PM
Mums making me wear a stupid fucking cross necklace and I wouldn't mind if the chain was longer or if I could take off the damn thing to like, sleep??? But nooooooo, it has to stay on me or I'll get pOsSeSsEd By DeMoNs oooooooo, spooooky
Fucking hate it here.
Fucking hate it here.
The stark contrast between the way my mum says hello to my sister and dogs between my stepdad and I, along with the fact that I know she doesn't love my stepdad anymore just speaks volumes to how she feels about me.
December 29, 2025 at 4:59 PM
The stark contrast between the way my mum says hello to my sister and dogs between my stepdad and I, along with the fact that I know she doesn't love my stepdad anymore just speaks volumes to how she feels about me.
Tried connecting to my "headspace" to test my system theory.
Heard a bunch of garbled voices talking about nothing.
And they weren't even voices, they were really just slight sensations.
Shows that my brain can't bullshit something up quick enough on the spot to try and trick me.
Heard a bunch of garbled voices talking about nothing.
And they weren't even voices, they were really just slight sensations.
Shows that my brain can't bullshit something up quick enough on the spot to try and trick me.
December 26, 2025 at 10:22 PM
Tried connecting to my "headspace" to test my system theory.
Heard a bunch of garbled voices talking about nothing.
And they weren't even voices, they were really just slight sensations.
Shows that my brain can't bullshit something up quick enough on the spot to try and trick me.
Heard a bunch of garbled voices talking about nothing.
And they weren't even voices, they were really just slight sensations.
Shows that my brain can't bullshit something up quick enough on the spot to try and trick me.
Whenever I feel anger, it overrides everything I feel and think
I think my anger issues are getting worse
I haven't had another "fridge incident", but I think that's just cause I haven't gotten mad enough yet
I think my love gets turned into pure rage when I get mad, cause I feel nothing for those -
I think my anger issues are getting worse
I haven't had another "fridge incident", but I think that's just cause I haven't gotten mad enough yet
I think my love gets turned into pure rage when I get mad, cause I feel nothing for those -
December 26, 2025 at 7:03 PM
Whenever I feel anger, it overrides everything I feel and think
I think my anger issues are getting worse
I haven't had another "fridge incident", but I think that's just cause I haven't gotten mad enough yet
I think my love gets turned into pure rage when I get mad, cause I feel nothing for those -
I think my anger issues are getting worse
I haven't had another "fridge incident", but I think that's just cause I haven't gotten mad enough yet
I think my love gets turned into pure rage when I get mad, cause I feel nothing for those -
More like:
"I REMEMBER every thing I set out to do, at all times! I AM a responsible and dependable person! I say I AM a system despite NOT hearing voices in my head! I DON'T think I'm faking every label I identify with subconsciously, I KNOW I do!
"I REMEMBER every thing I set out to do, at all times! I AM a responsible and dependable person! I say I AM a system despite NOT hearing voices in my head! I DON'T think I'm faking every label I identify with subconsciously, I KNOW I do!
Evil Alex be like:
"I PURPOSEFULLY threw a bottle lid in the bin instead of what actually should've went in the bin!! I PRETEND to forget what I'm doing to piss everyone around me off!!! I MAKE friends, they DON'T make friends with me!!!! >:("
"I PURPOSEFULLY threw a bottle lid in the bin instead of what actually should've went in the bin!! I PRETEND to forget what I'm doing to piss everyone around me off!!! I MAKE friends, they DON'T make friends with me!!!! >:("
December 25, 2025 at 8:04 PM
More like:
"I REMEMBER every thing I set out to do, at all times! I AM a responsible and dependable person! I say I AM a system despite NOT hearing voices in my head! I DON'T think I'm faking every label I identify with subconsciously, I KNOW I do!
"I REMEMBER every thing I set out to do, at all times! I AM a responsible and dependable person! I say I AM a system despite NOT hearing voices in my head! I DON'T think I'm faking every label I identify with subconsciously, I KNOW I do!
Whenever I interact with myself, how come it's never in the actual space I'm in, but instead just... Nothingness.
An empty black void that I can never focus on, that fades away once the sentence I just spoke to myself ended, and then everything disappears?
An empty black void that I can never focus on, that fades away once the sentence I just spoke to myself ended, and then everything disappears?
December 25, 2025 at 7:49 PM
Whenever I interact with myself, how come it's never in the actual space I'm in, but instead just... Nothingness.
An empty black void that I can never focus on, that fades away once the sentence I just spoke to myself ended, and then everything disappears?
An empty black void that I can never focus on, that fades away once the sentence I just spoke to myself ended, and then everything disappears?
I refuse to believe there are people out there who knows why they want or like all the things they do at all times, just, on site.
Bullshit.
There are not people out there who need to sit and think for 10 minutes straight on what so-and-so means to them and still not come up with an answer.
Bullshit.
There are not people out there who need to sit and think for 10 minutes straight on what so-and-so means to them and still not come up with an answer.
December 25, 2025 at 7:36 PM
I refuse to believe there are people out there who knows why they want or like all the things they do at all times, just, on site.
Bullshit.
There are not people out there who need to sit and think for 10 minutes straight on what so-and-so means to them and still not come up with an answer.
Bullshit.
There are not people out there who need to sit and think for 10 minutes straight on what so-and-so means to them and still not come up with an answer.
I am so fucking tired of my mum going on about "the true meaning of Christmas" it is so fucking annoying she keeps saying it like every fucking hour I'm so fucking done holy fucking shit
Like, I FUCKING GET IT!!!!
Oh, my, god.
Like, I FUCKING GET IT!!!!
Oh, my, god.
December 24, 2025 at 9:51 PM
I am so fucking tired of my mum going on about "the true meaning of Christmas" it is so fucking annoying she keeps saying it like every fucking hour I'm so fucking done holy fucking shit
Like, I FUCKING GET IT!!!!
Oh, my, god.
Like, I FUCKING GET IT!!!!
Oh, my, god.
So THIS is the consequence of not eating at least two proper meals a day for weeks, huh
Last time I tried something like this, I only got 8-9 through
Last time I tried something like this, I only got 8-9 through
My body is a machine that turns a 12 pack of milky ways into crumbs and glucose
December 24, 2025 at 3:20 PM
So THIS is the consequence of not eating at least two proper meals a day for weeks, huh
Last time I tried something like this, I only got 8-9 through
Last time I tried something like this, I only got 8-9 through
Welp, we got £66 in the account till after christmas, time to start skipping more meals
Probably skip dinner tonight, tho I'm not sure how I'd get out of it, and definitely skip breakfast and lunch tomorrow, I haven't had either of those for like, two weeks now
Probably skip dinner tonight, tho I'm not sure how I'd get out of it, and definitely skip breakfast and lunch tomorrow, I haven't had either of those for like, two weeks now
December 23, 2025 at 7:14 PM
Welp, we got £66 in the account till after christmas, time to start skipping more meals
Probably skip dinner tonight, tho I'm not sure how I'd get out of it, and definitely skip breakfast and lunch tomorrow, I haven't had either of those for like, two weeks now
Probably skip dinner tonight, tho I'm not sure how I'd get out of it, and definitely skip breakfast and lunch tomorrow, I haven't had either of those for like, two weeks now
My back hurts, I keep sneezing, I fucking hate this, I keep being on the edge of a sneeze that never comes, I hate this I hate this I FUCKING GATE TUS FUCKING HKILL ME
December 20, 2025 at 9:42 PM
My back hurts, I keep sneezing, I fucking hate this, I keep being on the edge of a sneeze that never comes, I hate this I hate this I FUCKING GATE TUS FUCKING HKILL ME
I tried telling myself "you don't have time for breakfast; you slept in" and it morphed itself into "you don't deserve breakfast"
I'm sure that has some kinda meaning but I'm just gonna ignore that and hurry tf up cause I'm aboutta be late
I'm sure that has some kinda meaning but I'm just gonna ignore that and hurry tf up cause I'm aboutta be late
December 18, 2025 at 8:19 AM
I tried telling myself "you don't have time for breakfast; you slept in" and it morphed itself into "you don't deserve breakfast"
I'm sure that has some kinda meaning but I'm just gonna ignore that and hurry tf up cause I'm aboutta be late
I'm sure that has some kinda meaning but I'm just gonna ignore that and hurry tf up cause I'm aboutta be late
Well, my legs are destroyed from a 16km wall the other day
I haven't had breakfast in a week and I haven't had lunch for three
Wherever my limit lies, it has to be close
I haven't had breakfast in a week and I haven't had lunch for three
Wherever my limit lies, it has to be close
December 17, 2025 at 4:07 PM
Well, my legs are destroyed from a 16km wall the other day
I haven't had breakfast in a week and I haven't had lunch for three
Wherever my limit lies, it has to be close
I haven't had breakfast in a week and I haven't had lunch for three
Wherever my limit lies, it has to be close
An... actual apology?
That's... new
Funnily enough, I actually think I'm over it now.
Likely helped by my usual emotional disassociation, but it's probably both, considering I don't usually forgive that quick (happened 10 minutes after posting that)
That's... new
Funnily enough, I actually think I'm over it now.
Likely helped by my usual emotional disassociation, but it's probably both, considering I don't usually forgive that quick (happened 10 minutes after posting that)
"Oh are we putting the tree up?"
"I am, yes. Why?"
"Oh, you just had a bag of decorations in your hand and..."
"Yes, Alex, that is typically how you decorate a tree"
Yeah, I'll go fuck myself I guess. I wanted to help you, since y'know, you're always complaining about no-one helping you -
"I am, yes. Why?"
"Oh, you just had a bag of decorations in your hand and..."
"Yes, Alex, that is typically how you decorate a tree"
Yeah, I'll go fuck myself I guess. I wanted to help you, since y'know, you're always complaining about no-one helping you -
December 14, 2025 at 2:53 PM
An... actual apology?
That's... new
Funnily enough, I actually think I'm over it now.
Likely helped by my usual emotional disassociation, but it's probably both, considering I don't usually forgive that quick (happened 10 minutes after posting that)
That's... new
Funnily enough, I actually think I'm over it now.
Likely helped by my usual emotional disassociation, but it's probably both, considering I don't usually forgive that quick (happened 10 minutes after posting that)
"Oh are we putting the tree up?"
"I am, yes. Why?"
"Oh, you just had a bag of decorations in your hand and..."
"Yes, Alex, that is typically how you decorate a tree"
Yeah, I'll go fuck myself I guess. I wanted to help you, since y'know, you're always complaining about no-one helping you -
"I am, yes. Why?"
"Oh, you just had a bag of decorations in your hand and..."
"Yes, Alex, that is typically how you decorate a tree"
Yeah, I'll go fuck myself I guess. I wanted to help you, since y'know, you're always complaining about no-one helping you -
December 14, 2025 at 2:32 PM
"Oh are we putting the tree up?"
"I am, yes. Why?"
"Oh, you just had a bag of decorations in your hand and..."
"Yes, Alex, that is typically how you decorate a tree"
Yeah, I'll go fuck myself I guess. I wanted to help you, since y'know, you're always complaining about no-one helping you -
"I am, yes. Why?"
"Oh, you just had a bag of decorations in your hand and..."
"Yes, Alex, that is typically how you decorate a tree"
Yeah, I'll go fuck myself I guess. I wanted to help you, since y'know, you're always complaining about no-one helping you -
Oh okay, parents are racist, fucking fantastic
As if I need any more reasons to cut contact when I move
As if I need any more reasons to cut contact when I move
December 14, 2025 at 12:36 PM
Oh okay, parents are racist, fucking fantastic
As if I need any more reasons to cut contact when I move
As if I need any more reasons to cut contact when I move
How does my girlfriend even put up with me?
My best friend, he's the most honest person I know and that's one of the things I value a lot about him, he says I'm annoying a lot, and at times he can't even deal with me.
And I'm talking about my superhuman stupidity here, btw
My best friend, he's the most honest person I know and that's one of the things I value a lot about him, he says I'm annoying a lot, and at times he can't even deal with me.
And I'm talking about my superhuman stupidity here, btw
December 13, 2025 at 8:29 PM
How does my girlfriend even put up with me?
My best friend, he's the most honest person I know and that's one of the things I value a lot about him, he says I'm annoying a lot, and at times he can't even deal with me.
And I'm talking about my superhuman stupidity here, btw
My best friend, he's the most honest person I know and that's one of the things I value a lot about him, he says I'm annoying a lot, and at times he can't even deal with me.
And I'm talking about my superhuman stupidity here, btw
It kinda irks me that I'll happily try out some of my friends interests, but they never try out any of mine
I shouldn't blame them for a lack of interest though. In the end, it's just really selfish of me cause I just want a friend who shares one of my niche interests
I shouldn't blame them for a lack of interest though. In the end, it's just really selfish of me cause I just want a friend who shares one of my niche interests
December 13, 2025 at 8:00 PM
It kinda irks me that I'll happily try out some of my friends interests, but they never try out any of mine
I shouldn't blame them for a lack of interest though. In the end, it's just really selfish of me cause I just want a friend who shares one of my niche interests
I shouldn't blame them for a lack of interest though. In the end, it's just really selfish of me cause I just want a friend who shares one of my niche interests
The only thing I've eaten in the past 26 hours is one can of soup and some biscuits.
Not to mention I haven't had lunch, college or otherwise, for 2 weeks.
I've skipped dinner two days in a row.
At this point my stomach has practically given up telling me it's empty.
It knows I know.
Not to mention I haven't had lunch, college or otherwise, for 2 weeks.
I've skipped dinner two days in a row.
At this point my stomach has practically given up telling me it's empty.
It knows I know.
December 12, 2025 at 11:09 AM
The only thing I've eaten in the past 26 hours is one can of soup and some biscuits.
Not to mention I haven't had lunch, college or otherwise, for 2 weeks.
I've skipped dinner two days in a row.
At this point my stomach has practically given up telling me it's empty.
It knows I know.
Not to mention I haven't had lunch, college or otherwise, for 2 weeks.
I've skipped dinner two days in a row.
At this point my stomach has practically given up telling me it's empty.
It knows I know.