hell yeah, currently finishing shadow slave, im on a relatively insane pace rn cuz its so good, ch1900 lmfao

6 months later and wow what a ride

but yeah life is worth living, because besides the fact that there's always someone in a worse situation still living for a reason, even if you feel like everyone hates you, there's always someone who would do anything in their reach for you, even if that person may change over time

besides all that yap i'm afraid to come out to my parents (mostly dad) because if i do, i'm actually either dead or homeless, no inbetween. im not into politics but my dad had a masters degree in it, now he cant find a job and i've stopped eating with him because every. single. time. it's politics

i have been reaching a new low by the day, and my mental hasn't liked it one bit. hell, for the first time in years i actually entertained the idea of walking until i collapse in the middle of fuckwhere, but thankfully i had a chat w/ a friend who stopped me from being too irrational; thanks tm8 ❤️

i've had no actual fucking food for months, it's been the occasional good and balanced pasta with everything, just to eat rice and beans for the 8th time in a row.
my friends have offered me money to actually eat properly but i cant be trusted like that, i'd spend the money haphazardly on stupid sht

there are some jobs that i can apply to, but holy fuck is the pay low, my mom has 2 masters in econ and stats and she's getting paid almost minimum wage because "her italian is not good" like btch its numbers, just hire a qc if you're so annoyed by the grammar, she's working her ass off from 8-9pm..

i want to find a job, live life and finish everything after having enjoyed everything i've done in life, but step 1 is to find a damn job and since apparently knowing 3 languages fluently is not a quality that people hire for, then tough luck because i dont have 80 years of experience in dishwashing

like my life went downhill before i even had a say, and then i'm expected to be able to do everything i wasnt taught, or solve problems that even those with 40 more years of experience than me can't even fathom to comprehend as if i was a machine that magically granted wishes as long as you asked.

it's been mostly my anxiety and social traumas stopping me from actively socialising, but i cant become blameless, since both of those things are only roadblocks, i cant stop just cuz someone built a sign that says "caution! bumpy road ahead" when roads have been bumpy since the greeks were a thing

safe to say safe to say

for a whole 5 minutes the novel baited me so hard into thinking it was a protag change revenge arc side story (buzzwords) 😭

yup, honestly peak