[uhh.. a lot]

if i could bring a man from light bondage tier kink to getting so turned on when i tell him my trauma story that he fucks me so hard it hurts and maybe chokes me until i pass out & cums in my unconscious body? yeah.

[fauxcest]

and if i can get him into doing it as my brother i would be a Very happy girl

[cnc]

he told me it felt really good to shove his whole cock in my ass before it was ready (which hurt like a bitch) cuz i said i wanted him to do it again. i wanna get him hooked on raping my ass >:3c

i knowwww

what level of trauma am i on to talk abt one of my brain’s complex ways of processing abuse as “hot but annoying”

like being an incest freak is fine but it still hurts cuz my conspiracy theories arent like “youre a pervert w a kink” but more “you were designed to be abused & thats all you amount to” which is a bit much. when i put it like that it’s still hot at least but the way my brain goes abt it is annoying

was having a hypothetical conversation w my brother in my head abt how the best way he can make up for the pain he’s caused me is to actively maintain a friendship w me now & as i was telling him what that means i was like “oh this is the same set of standards i have for a sexual partner…. ;3”

the way i don’t even receive Any contact from my dom more than once a week anymore & i haven’t seen him in 3 months but my commitment to him still prevents me from just going out and fucking whoever every night. and i want to peel my skin off bc i haven’t had cock inside me in 2 days

he said it before we’d met up while he was acting desperate cuz i stopped replying to him for a few days or smth & once we were actually arranging shit the dynamic became more just him using me however He pleases. but “more than happy”? 🤔 like smth could really be there

that was crazy too it was my first time bouncing right after sex & i was hobbling out of there w a migraine i hadn’t fully recovered from before coming over & my legs still shaky from getting fucked like @____@

i Really like kissing 😖 the times i spent w 🌃 i slept in his bed & cuddled w him when we weren’t fucking & all that stuff is good for the soul.. (his big cock against my cervix would also be sorely missed tho) i was in & out of 🧃’s place in 30 minutes today kcjsjcnd

not as evil & soul-piercing as the look from my dom it evoked, but there is something so sexy abt a cold expression… dude was spreading my pussy and staring at it like that knowing he wasn’t going to touch it so there was still an evil tinge to it. love that

but he is…. his body is so nice it’s great to look at while i’m getting my shit rocked >w> also he had a look on his face at one point that reminded me of my dom and i was like Ogh 💘💞💞💓💗

this dude fucks my ass so good my pussy doesn’t even mind the neglect honestly.. jesus christ

🧃 has a long distance gal he’s actually romantically interested in so maybe he’ll be busy w her tomorrow.. i haven’t heard from 🌃 in ages cuz he had some health issues & idk if he’s still not feeling well atp or if he just forgot to get back to me TwT. sigghhhh