I think for this one the answer is simply "yes"

But this person is states away, focusing on school and her career. I feel like a relationship is furthest from her mind. But what if I break that barrier?

Fuck I hate that my autism makes me feel my emotions so strongly because this is killing me mentally/emotionally. Idk how much more I can take.

I don't want to give myself hope and shoot my shot because that could end with me losing them entirely. That would be the worst. But I can't help but wanna open my DMs with them and just unleash all my emotions and pray they give me a chance.

I want my love to be one of the things that makes them smile and keeps them going. I want my words of encouragement to mean something. I want to be something more to them. So badly.

I want them to know there's someone who listens to them speak and smiles. Who wants to know about the them they keep hidden from the internet and wants to support and help them face their insecurities. I want to be there for them at their best and their worst.

And I feel like if they ever find this account and decide to peruse it they'll know who they are... and that would make things even more awkward, but these are my honest feelings. I love them with my whole heart and soul, and I want to support them emotionally, physically, verbally... in every way.

And if I ever became a true friend of theirs, I'd eventually tell them how I feel, and I'd be devastated to be rejected.

I'm hoping these are lingering feelings of a dream amplified outside forces. But I'm too fucking autistic to know for certain if what I feel is genuinely love or not.

And I'm pretty sure I'm just a face in their crowd of fans. And that's okay to me. They'll probably never learn of these feelings and that's okay. It's probably better that we stay community member/streamer. As much I'd want to be her friend, I feel like that would only make these feelings stronger.

I want to someone they come to after a rough day and just hold and comfort them with words and touch. I want stroke their hair and just... be with them.

I never thought I'd catch feelings for someone like this, but I also don't ever see it going anywhere, as much as I'd want it to.

Something about me... I love people. A lot. And a lot of people. I'm supportive and genuinely want to see people I love and care about succeed.

But this dream left me wanting to be something more for this person. I want to be the person watching over them if they drink too much.

As I patted their head, I felt contact and told her "Wow, it's like I'm actually patting your head, I can feel like I'm actually connecting with you."

And there was a moment where we just looked at each other, and I felt my heart race. I placed a hand on her cheek.

And then I woke up.

That dream was a little odd though. It wasn't sexual and it wasn't inherently romantic. But it was something that started making me question my feelings.

I had a dream I was in a VRChat with this person, and at some point it was just us. And at some point I gave them a pat on the head.

So... does anyone wanna see the colored version of this?

I really love this art. It's so fucking hot, and my first ever NSFW fan art... I'm extremely happy about it.

Enjoy the repercussions of rolling a natural one, art done by the talented @crookedhook.bsky.social. I believe this will be colored in the future.

Enjoy the repercussions of rolling a natural one, art done by the talented @crookedhook.bsky.social. I believe this will be colored in the future.

Happy birthday!

I mean it when I say I'd love to become her friend one day. I wanna talk music. Talk Gaia Online days. I wanna talk stupid child experiences because she seems like she has a lot and I just wanna be a friend.

Random sappy-ish post, but still. Posted here because it's not really what I post on main.