I'd hate to be a crematory in Kansas City

If I had a fanny pack shaped like a hot dog, that's where I'd keep my gun

Back in my day you had to walk up hill both ways to a pay phone that had the white pages hanging from a rusty cord to doxx someone

It bothers me when my heart beats extra hard or my stomach is digesting a little too loudly. I shouldn't have to think about my internal organs.

Do you ever think about how literal children used to be able to buy booze or cigarettes with just a note and a $20 bill from their mom

I just did 17 Hail Mary's about it (touchdowns in my driveway)