All in all way happier, and I think I have found a group of friends I just super gel with. Some of them are people I have gel'ed with for a long time, but I have met some other super awesome people I def want in my life, without any reservations or feel that I "need" it... But just want it.

My relationship with hobbies feels so much better. I feel like games are fun again, since I have given myself more moderation. The fears to try new things, social things, travelling, etc, have not stopped me for the first time in so long. And I feel like that was so important for this growth.

I learned Tennis is not rly my vibe I think, and that is okay! It was fun taking a class the past few months and learning that lmao, and I may give it more of a shot when I have more time to practice.

Salsa is a blast, I am definitely deep diving for sure next year.

Working out has been so nice, I have lost like 5% body fat while being the same weight and it is definitely showing. I could be doing better, but definitely noticing it just from general silhouette now and it gives the dopamine for sure

All in all there's apologies I definitely should give in the future. Some people I am better off distancing from as a result of said, "I understand my feelings and what I actually want", but that could have been handled in a much better way.

Self reflection aside...

Like, if I don't want to talk to someone, I just do not. This feeling of like, "I need to be friends with X person because I feel like people don't like me" weird contradicting loop rears it's head so much less frequently. And more importantly, I handle it now in a manner that's, more reasonable?

At this point, this year has been a lot of, "I honestly have done really well given my hand, and I should stop harboring all of this self loathing, and letting it turn into a weird mix of violence when I conflate it with annoyance and other issues"

In that, I feel I navigate issues better too?

I think there's definitely remorse with regards to how to go about all that stuff, but also forgiveness? Like I understand situations weren't perfect for me too, and that I kind of needed the right environment and steps.

I also had to sacrifice this all to leave my parents asap during college lmao

Overall, I feel like improvement the past year has been drastic. I learned a lot about how to navigate emotions, and fought off a ton of trauma that I'm honestly embarrassed I let get in the way of so many relationships. It feels... So much easier to believe the people that like me, like me now.

I liked the self taught courses I took for motivation, but money even when cheap is 😭 so I get that a ton

As someone who went to an art high school and is dabbling digitally again, goals do wonders. I want to draw an OC depiction of myself, and I feel like my brain is kind of required for some of it @_@, so that was an initial motivator for me

"Let us prevail in this deluge of blood" is a Noah's Ark reference to the 1928 movie of the same name. The reason I chose to reference that and specify on the "Cold Water" is due to this fan theory from months ago... That I somehow did not bookmark -_-, I will link it later I am so tired lol

The song is Gaster's Waltz: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrlA...

The Gaster scene was heavily inspired by this YT comment I remembered when I first listened to this:

A good part of what FRIEND says to Kris in this is based on this Limbus Company tweet, which hit really close:
x.com/cheromo159/s...

I very much dislike others. I usually talk about anything these days with trust in mind, because I honestly handle my issues better than I ever have. But I guess some people just can’t actually emphatize with mental health issues. It’s… Kind of gross feeling though.