But all he gets were the disappointed stares from everyone and the constant comparison that Zanka is still their pride and joy and Goka is just there.
He is jealous.
Despite that, he can't cry.
He couldn't cry.
Didn't dared to cry.
Because weapons don't weep.
He is jealous.
Despite that, he can't cry.
He couldn't cry.
Didn't dared to cry.
Because weapons don't weep.
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
But all he gets were the disappointed stares from everyone and the constant comparison that Zanka is still their pride and joy and Goka is just there.
He is jealous.
Despite that, he can't cry.
He couldn't cry.
Didn't dared to cry.
Because weapons don't weep.
He is jealous.
Despite that, he can't cry.
He couldn't cry.
Didn't dared to cry.
Because weapons don't weep.
Even it meant he became a cleaner.
Resentment.
Jealousy.
Jealousy.
Jealousy.
Why can't it be him?
Why can't they be like that to him? A simple 'I'm proud of you' would've been enough.
+
Resentment.
Jealousy.
Jealousy.
Jealousy.
Why can't it be him?
Why can't they be like that to him? A simple 'I'm proud of you' would've been enough.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Even it meant he became a cleaner.
Resentment.
Jealousy.
Jealousy.
Jealousy.
Why can't it be him?
Why can't they be like that to him? A simple 'I'm proud of you' would've been enough.
+
Resentment.
Jealousy.
Jealousy.
Jealousy.
Why can't it be him?
Why can't they be like that to him? A simple 'I'm proud of you' would've been enough.
+
At 25, Goka found out Zanka had joined the Cleaners. And as selfish as it is, as maddening as it is, he thought that maybe, JUST maybe, he'll finally be praised.
But no.
His parents sang Zanka's name like a hymn. Praising him for being brave enough to carve his way out,
+
But no.
His parents sang Zanka's name like a hymn. Praising him for being brave enough to carve his way out,
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
At 25, Goka found out Zanka had joined the Cleaners. And as selfish as it is, as maddening as it is, he thought that maybe, JUST maybe, he'll finally be praised.
But no.
His parents sang Zanka's name like a hymn. Praising him for being brave enough to carve his way out,
+
But no.
His parents sang Zanka's name like a hymn. Praising him for being brave enough to carve his way out,
+
He was better than him, because Zanka grew up knowing what it was like to be hugged and praised and loved.
Perhaps he was simply born with tragedy in his blood.
"Disappointment."
Harsh.
But it was hard to swallow.
Because it's true.
+
Perhaps he was simply born with tragedy in his blood.
"Disappointment."
Harsh.
But it was hard to swallow.
Because it's true.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
He was better than him, because Zanka grew up knowing what it was like to be hugged and praised and loved.
Perhaps he was simply born with tragedy in his blood.
"Disappointment."
Harsh.
But it was hard to swallow.
Because it's true.
+
Perhaps he was simply born with tragedy in his blood.
"Disappointment."
Harsh.
But it was hard to swallow.
Because it's true.
+
Goka didn't say anything, he only nodded and acknowledge his defeat because he can never win a competition where love and affection were the requirements.
Being a child is a curse.
Being a Nijiku... Even worse.
+
Being a child is a curse.
Being a Nijiku... Even worse.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Goka didn't say anything, he only nodded and acknowledge his defeat because he can never win a competition where love and affection were the requirements.
Being a child is a curse.
Being a Nijiku... Even worse.
+
Being a child is a curse.
Being a Nijiku... Even worse.
+
Goka was his age and everyone never failed to remind him of that.
Of where Zanka excelled.
Where Goka failed.
And even when he did better, somehow Zanka surpassed him.
"He's better than you."
He remembered Kyouka once saying.
Of where Zanka excelled.
Where Goka failed.
And even when he did better, somehow Zanka surpassed him.
"He's better than you."
He remembered Kyouka once saying.
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Goka was his age and everyone never failed to remind him of that.
Of where Zanka excelled.
Where Goka failed.
And even when he did better, somehow Zanka surpassed him.
"He's better than you."
He remembered Kyouka once saying.
Of where Zanka excelled.
Where Goka failed.
And even when he did better, somehow Zanka surpassed him.
"He's better than you."
He remembered Kyouka once saying.
When did being brother turn to jealousy and resentment?
But Goka did start resenting Zanka.
Why does he have to bleed to get a crumb of what he was getting?
Why does he have to beg?
It only worsened when Zanka started his training at 12.
He did better than when
+
But Goka did start resenting Zanka.
Why does he have to bleed to get a crumb of what he was getting?
Why does he have to beg?
It only worsened when Zanka started his training at 12.
He did better than when
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
When did being brother turn to jealousy and resentment?
But Goka did start resenting Zanka.
Why does he have to bleed to get a crumb of what he was getting?
Why does he have to beg?
It only worsened when Zanka started his training at 12.
He did better than when
+
But Goka did start resenting Zanka.
Why does he have to bleed to get a crumb of what he was getting?
Why does he have to beg?
It only worsened when Zanka started his training at 12.
He did better than when
+
At 18, Goka had started going along with Kyouka during patrols. He would always make sure to stay 5 feet away from her, a respectable distance between a commander and someone who does not deserve to be in his position.
During his patrol, Goka would deliberately avoid Zanka.
+
During his patrol, Goka would deliberately avoid Zanka.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
At 18, Goka had started going along with Kyouka during patrols. He would always make sure to stay 5 feet away from her, a respectable distance between a commander and someone who does not deserve to be in his position.
During his patrol, Goka would deliberately avoid Zanka.
+
During his patrol, Goka would deliberately avoid Zanka.
+
That was his path. That is what he is being molded into.
Not a child.
Never a child.
But Zanka....
Zanka was a child.
He is allowed to dream.
He is allowed to stray from their path.
He is allowed happiness.
Zanka is happiness.
And Goka is a weapon.
+
Not a child.
Never a child.
But Zanka....
Zanka was a child.
He is allowed to dream.
He is allowed to stray from their path.
He is allowed happiness.
Zanka is happiness.
And Goka is a weapon.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
That was his path. That is what he is being molded into.
Not a child.
Never a child.
But Zanka....
Zanka was a child.
He is allowed to dream.
He is allowed to stray from their path.
He is allowed happiness.
Zanka is happiness.
And Goka is a weapon.
+
Not a child.
Never a child.
But Zanka....
Zanka was a child.
He is allowed to dream.
He is allowed to stray from their path.
He is allowed happiness.
Zanka is happiness.
And Goka is a weapon.
+
owards Zanka who slept peacefully on their mothers lap, unaware of what had just occurred.
He wasn't even allowed to do that.
He wasn't allowed to be anything but a Nijiku who will be a Hell Guard.
That was what was given to him.
+
He wasn't even allowed to do that.
He wasn't allowed to be anything but a Nijiku who will be a Hell Guard.
That was what was given to him.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
owards Zanka who slept peacefully on their mothers lap, unaware of what had just occurred.
He wasn't even allowed to do that.
He wasn't allowed to be anything but a Nijiku who will be a Hell Guard.
That was what was given to him.
+
He wasn't even allowed to do that.
He wasn't allowed to be anything but a Nijiku who will be a Hell Guard.
That was what was given to him.
+
Head, avoiding the harsh gaze thrown his way.
He nodded.
Mumbling a little sorry before walking away.
Goka didn't know what to feel at that time.
Towards his mother.
Towards his silenced and dismissed joy.
+
He nodded.
Mumbling a little sorry before walking away.
Goka didn't know what to feel at that time.
Towards his mother.
Towards his silenced and dismissed joy.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Head, avoiding the harsh gaze thrown his way.
He nodded.
Mumbling a little sorry before walking away.
Goka didn't know what to feel at that time.
Towards his mother.
Towards his silenced and dismissed joy.
+
He nodded.
Mumbling a little sorry before walking away.
Goka didn't know what to feel at that time.
Towards his mother.
Towards his silenced and dismissed joy.
+
Louder this time.
And it was met with a harsh hush.
"Go bother someone else, you'll wake Zanka up!"
His mother whispered and yelled at him.
Bother.
As if his excitement was nothing but just that.
A bother.
Goka shrunk on himself. Hunching his shoulders as he dropped his
+
And it was met with a harsh hush.
"Go bother someone else, you'll wake Zanka up!"
His mother whispered and yelled at him.
Bother.
As if his excitement was nothing but just that.
A bother.
Goka shrunk on himself. Hunching his shoulders as he dropped his
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Louder this time.
And it was met with a harsh hush.
"Go bother someone else, you'll wake Zanka up!"
His mother whispered and yelled at him.
Bother.
As if his excitement was nothing but just that.
A bother.
Goka shrunk on himself. Hunching his shoulders as he dropped his
+
And it was met with a harsh hush.
"Go bother someone else, you'll wake Zanka up!"
His mother whispered and yelled at him.
Bother.
As if his excitement was nothing but just that.
A bother.
Goka shrunk on himself. Hunching his shoulders as he dropped his
+
Bragging that he had made the right choice because even the instructor praised him for it.
His joy and excitement was greeted with silence without so much as a glance.
He pulled the staff closer to his chest, his smile dropping just a smidge as he repeated his words.
+
His joy and excitement was greeted with silence without so much as a glance.
He pulled the staff closer to his chest, his smile dropping just a smidge as he repeated his words.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Bragging that he had made the right choice because even the instructor praised him for it.
His joy and excitement was greeted with silence without so much as a glance.
He pulled the staff closer to his chest, his smile dropping just a smidge as he repeated his words.
+
His joy and excitement was greeted with silence without so much as a glance.
He pulled the staff closer to his chest, his smile dropping just a smidge as he repeated his words.
+
Even the instructor praised him for his choice, meaning he had done right.
....
But when he got home, excited, happily, the unfiltered joy coursing through his veins, his footsteps were heavy and rapid.
Goka happily showed them his chosen weapon.
+
....
But when he got home, excited, happily, the unfiltered joy coursing through his veins, his footsteps were heavy and rapid.
Goka happily showed them his chosen weapon.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Even the instructor praised him for his choice, meaning he had done right.
....
But when he got home, excited, happily, the unfiltered joy coursing through his veins, his footsteps were heavy and rapid.
Goka happily showed them his chosen weapon.
+
....
But when he got home, excited, happily, the unfiltered joy coursing through his veins, his footsteps were heavy and rapid.
Goka happily showed them his chosen weapon.
+
Goka picked a staff that extends wide at the top with spikes lining three rows.
It spoke to him.
Aggressive.
Feral.
Wild.
And with a presence that didn't is forced to be reckoned with.
Goka made sure he would be seen.
+
It spoke to him.
Aggressive.
Feral.
Wild.
And with a presence that didn't is forced to be reckoned with.
Goka made sure he would be seen.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Goka picked a staff that extends wide at the top with spikes lining three rows.
It spoke to him.
Aggressive.
Feral.
Wild.
And with a presence that didn't is forced to be reckoned with.
Goka made sure he would be seen.
+
It spoke to him.
Aggressive.
Feral.
Wild.
And with a presence that didn't is forced to be reckoned with.
Goka made sure he would be seen.
+
Bigger in his chest.
At 15, he was proficient. Unstoppable. Strong and lethal on the field even when given with a wooden weapon.
He had learned how to handle several, all for approval.
And when the time came where they were finally given the chance to choose their weapon,
+
At 15, he was proficient. Unstoppable. Strong and lethal on the field even when given with a wooden weapon.
He had learned how to handle several, all for approval.
And when the time came where they were finally given the chance to choose their weapon,
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Bigger in his chest.
At 15, he was proficient. Unstoppable. Strong and lethal on the field even when given with a wooden weapon.
He had learned how to handle several, all for approval.
And when the time came where they were finally given the chance to choose their weapon,
+
At 15, he was proficient. Unstoppable. Strong and lethal on the field even when given with a wooden weapon.
He had learned how to handle several, all for approval.
And when the time came where they were finally given the chance to choose their weapon,
+
Doing the best he could to get a crumb of what he craves. And sometimes, when he did extra good, Kyouka would praise him, his mother would hug him and his father would raffle his hair.
And all is well.
Those were enough.
It kept Goka going despite the hollow that grows
+
And all is well.
Those were enough.
It kept Goka going despite the hollow that grows
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Doing the best he could to get a crumb of what he craves. And sometimes, when he did extra good, Kyouka would praise him, his mother would hug him and his father would raffle his hair.
And all is well.
Those were enough.
It kept Goka going despite the hollow that grows
+
And all is well.
Those were enough.
It kept Goka going despite the hollow that grows
+
Things while drooling to get what Goka lacks.
Love.
Time.
He didn't resent him He couldn't. It wasn't his fault.
Not when Zanka would reach for him and touch his finger as if sensing his distress.
So Goka pushed on.
+
Love.
Time.
He didn't resent him He couldn't. It wasn't his fault.
Not when Zanka would reach for him and touch his finger as if sensing his distress.
So Goka pushed on.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Things while drooling to get what Goka lacks.
Love.
Time.
He didn't resent him He couldn't. It wasn't his fault.
Not when Zanka would reach for him and touch his finger as if sensing his distress.
So Goka pushed on.
+
Love.
Time.
He didn't resent him He couldn't. It wasn't his fault.
Not when Zanka would reach for him and touch his finger as if sensing his distress.
So Goka pushed on.
+
He had learned early on that his tantrums will get him nowhere when it comes to affection and attention because they are built to withstand noises.
And whilst he was bleeding and pooling the dirt with his sweat, Zanka had to do nothing but smile and wave and babble random
+
And whilst he was bleeding and pooling the dirt with his sweat, Zanka had to do nothing but smile and wave and babble random
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
He had learned early on that his tantrums will get him nowhere when it comes to affection and attention because they are built to withstand noises.
And whilst he was bleeding and pooling the dirt with his sweat, Zanka had to do nothing but smile and wave and babble random
+
And whilst he was bleeding and pooling the dirt with his sweat, Zanka had to do nothing but smile and wave and babble random
+
Him.
He had to earn it.
He had to do something to deserve it.
Achievements.
Goals.
How well he did with his training.
It all became part of what he had to do to get noticed.
Goka never tried throwing tantrums.
+
He had to earn it.
He had to do something to deserve it.
Achievements.
Goals.
How well he did with his training.
It all became part of what he had to do to get noticed.
Goka never tried throwing tantrums.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Him.
He had to earn it.
He had to do something to deserve it.
Achievements.
Goals.
How well he did with his training.
It all became part of what he had to do to get noticed.
Goka never tried throwing tantrums.
+
He had to earn it.
He had to do something to deserve it.
Achievements.
Goals.
How well he did with his training.
It all became part of what he had to do to get noticed.
Goka never tried throwing tantrums.
+
Playing with him during the rare times he wouldn't cry in Goka's presence and he would make the most of it.
His little brother is precious.
At 12, Goka started his training to be a hell guard.
And at the same time, affection and attention became sparse when it was given to
+
His little brother is precious.
At 12, Goka started his training to be a hell guard.
And at the same time, affection and attention became sparse when it was given to
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Playing with him during the rare times he wouldn't cry in Goka's presence and he would make the most of it.
His little brother is precious.
At 12, Goka started his training to be a hell guard.
And at the same time, affection and attention became sparse when it was given to
+
His little brother is precious.
At 12, Goka started his training to be a hell guard.
And at the same time, affection and attention became sparse when it was given to
+
Zanka's lively giggles.
She didn't even have to coo at him, all she had to do was touch his tiny hands and he would stop.
Goka briefly wondered if he just didn't know how to do it right.
Still, he dotted on Zanka.
+
She didn't even have to coo at him, all she had to do was touch his tiny hands and he would stop.
Goka briefly wondered if he just didn't know how to do it right.
Still, he dotted on Zanka.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Zanka's lively giggles.
She didn't even have to coo at him, all she had to do was touch his tiny hands and he would stop.
Goka briefly wondered if he just didn't know how to do it right.
Still, he dotted on Zanka.
+
She didn't even have to coo at him, all she had to do was touch his tiny hands and he would stop.
Goka briefly wondered if he just didn't know how to do it right.
Still, he dotted on Zanka.
+
He tried cradling, singing, making funny faces just to calm him down.... Nothing worked.
And he would witness his sister, Kyouka, take one smile at Zanka and he would stop.
And if Goka briefly thought back if Kyouka ever smiled at him like that, it was quickly pushed away by
+
And he would witness his sister, Kyouka, take one smile at Zanka and he would stop.
And if Goka briefly thought back if Kyouka ever smiled at him like that, it was quickly pushed away by
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
He tried cradling, singing, making funny faces just to calm him down.... Nothing worked.
And he would witness his sister, Kyouka, take one smile at Zanka and he would stop.
And if Goka briefly thought back if Kyouka ever smiled at him like that, it was quickly pushed away by
+
And he would witness his sister, Kyouka, take one smile at Zanka and he would stop.
And if Goka briefly thought back if Kyouka ever smiled at him like that, it was quickly pushed away by
+
He didn't know the exact time when he started to feel jealous towards Zanka. When he was 9 Zanka was born, Goka dotted on him even when Zanka would cry nonstop whenever he would try and hold him.
It drove Goka insane.
Because Zanka only cried when he was with him.
+
It drove Goka insane.
Because Zanka only cried when he was with him.
+
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
He didn't know the exact time when he started to feel jealous towards Zanka. When he was 9 Zanka was born, Goka dotted on him even when Zanka would cry nonstop whenever he would try and hold him.
It drove Goka insane.
Because Zanka only cried when he was with him.
+
It drove Goka insane.
Because Zanka only cried when he was with him.
+