Grand Resigns
@grandresigns.bsky.social
Cometh one, cometh all. Minimum salary required, £100k pa.
Oliver and Beatrice have completed their tour of market towns and are now ready to create their own; the former sardine cannery is ready, as the smell of fish is gone. Called Gillbury, it will be a gated community. Beatrice is adamant that no hoi polloi can get in, or any Hoi Polloi Koi get out.
June 21, 2025 at 7:37 PM
Oliver and Beatrice have completed their tour of market towns and are now ready to create their own; the former sardine cannery is ready, as the smell of fish is gone. Called Gillbury, it will be a gated community. Beatrice is adamant that no hoi polloi can get in, or any Hoi Polloi Koi get out.
Farquar and Paraphernalia have great self awareness and know their tendency towards co-dependent narcissism makes it likely their intent to build the world’s biggest en suite folk festival is fraught with potential failure. Both are proud of this and know that we will love them nevertheless.
June 14, 2025 at 8:33 PM
Farquar and Paraphernalia have great self awareness and know their tendency towards co-dependent narcissism makes it likely their intent to build the world’s biggest en suite folk festival is fraught with potential failure. Both are proud of this and know that we will love them nevertheless.
Rupert and Poinsettia dearly wanted to share their journey, in converting the disused battery farm into an organic call centre, but have pulled out of this series in protest at Kev’s Sainsbury’s cameo. If you’re mildly inbred and loaded, we urgently ask you to share your pointless folly with us.
June 9, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Rupert and Poinsettia dearly wanted to share their journey, in converting the disused battery farm into an organic call centre, but have pulled out of this series in protest at Kev’s Sainsbury’s cameo. If you’re mildly inbred and loaded, we urgently ask you to share your pointless folly with us.
Brandon and Shayla live in a small terraced former council house that they want to make changes to. No chance.
June 9, 2025 at 8:04 PM
Brandon and Shayla live in a small terraced former council house that they want to make changes to. No chance.
My mum knows I manage Kev’s account and says she loves him. According to her, she’ll have sex with him on his 70th birthday, despite his ‘wonky erections’. We hope he can get planning permission and make it an episode of the show.
May 30, 2025 at 7:43 PM
My mum knows I manage Kev’s account and says she loves him. According to her, she’ll have sex with him on his 70th birthday, despite his ‘wonky erections’. We hope he can get planning permission and make it an episode of the show.
Kev has recently shared his epiphany when young and will include it in ‘The Melamime Complex’. Basically, he grew up with tea and coffee dispensers on the wall and has linked it to his breastfed development. We’re not entirely sure if it will make the final publication.
May 30, 2025 at 7:40 PM
Kev has recently shared his epiphany when young and will include it in ‘The Melamime Complex’. Basically, he grew up with tea and coffee dispensers on the wall and has linked it to his breastfed development. We’re not entirely sure if it will make the final publication.
The roof is off again after Chinzilla & Martin realise their confusion between their properties. ‘This is the oast house, not the log cabin!’ guffaws Chinzilla, as she strafes gun fire into the glade. The couple hope to move to Alabama next year, once they prove their existing genetic similarities.
May 30, 2025 at 7:37 PM
The roof is off again after Chinzilla & Martin realise their confusion between their properties. ‘This is the oast house, not the log cabin!’ guffaws Chinzilla, as she strafes gun fire into the glade. The couple hope to move to Alabama next year, once they prove their existing genetic similarities.
Kev’s recent book signing of ‘How I Survived Stone Cladding’ has pleased the publishers so, after negotiations and moral compromises, not unfamiliar to our viewers, we are pleased to announce that ‘The Melamine Complex’, his second book, will be in all good Knightsbridge book outlets this December.
May 28, 2025 at 8:06 PM
Kev’s recent book signing of ‘How I Survived Stone Cladding’ has pleased the publishers so, after negotiations and moral compromises, not unfamiliar to our viewers, we are pleased to announce that ‘The Melamine Complex’, his second book, will be in all good Knightsbridge book outlets this December.
So far, so good as the roof is almost complete, and the ark is waterproof. Siegfried and Consolita had not really planned how to obtain the animals, so they have begun a mountain top course in ethic-free genetic engineering in Andorra, taking with them the family cormorant and alpaca.
May 28, 2025 at 8:01 PM
So far, so good as the roof is almost complete, and the ark is waterproof. Siegfried and Consolita had not really planned how to obtain the animals, so they have begun a mountain top course in ethic-free genetic engineering in Andorra, taking with them the family cormorant and alpaca.
It’s been an interesting week for Annunziata and Gary. Having met on a working class exchange programme, she realised that building a beeswax yurt in a cave under a disused woollen mill, is a step too far to save their marriage, especially as Gary prefers to play darts. Things are not looking good.
May 28, 2025 at 7:56 PM
It’s been an interesting week for Annunziata and Gary. Having met on a working class exchange programme, she realised that building a beeswax yurt in a cave under a disused woollen mill, is a step too far to save their marriage, especially as Gary prefers to play darts. Things are not looking good.
Esoteria and Sisyphus have completed phase three of the harp academy and peat bog, although they are waiting for one more relative to pass away before they can release funding for phase four; the multi faith totem tower to unite all world religions. Both expect senior positions in the Polyfaith.
May 28, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Esoteria and Sisyphus have completed phase three of the harp academy and peat bog, although they are waiting for one more relative to pass away before they can release funding for phase four; the multi faith totem tower to unite all world religions. Both expect senior positions in the Polyfaith.
Kev tells us that potential sponsors have approached the show and is working with producers to ensure the ABC1 demographic is catered for. However, he has realised that a new category needs to be created to account for the stratospheric wealth and bloody mindedness of our featured couples.
May 28, 2025 at 7:44 PM
Kev tells us that potential sponsors have approached the show and is working with producers to ensure the ABC1 demographic is catered for. However, he has realised that a new category needs to be created to account for the stratospheric wealth and bloody mindedness of our featured couples.
Thank you to all of the people who turned up to yesterday- Kev is very happy as he’s enough Lego to build a Tofu kiosk to add to his world. Jeannette from Coventry, please can you leave Kev alone, we may have to take legal steps. He was not prepared to accept the Lego in that way, the mess was awful
May 25, 2025 at 8:15 AM
Thank you to all of the people who turned up to yesterday- Kev is very happy as he’s enough Lego to build a Tofu kiosk to add to his world. Jeannette from Coventry, please can you leave Kev alone, we may have to take legal steps. He was not prepared to accept the Lego in that way, the mess was awful
Are you thinking of building your dream home out of an oil rig or former prison? We’re looking for couples with imagination and drive, ready to gamble their lives on TV. If you’re from the home counties and earn more than £100k a year, plus white, just turn up in red trousers at Channel 4 HQ.
May 23, 2025 at 5:29 AM
Are you thinking of building your dream home out of an oil rig or former prison? We’re looking for couples with imagination and drive, ready to gamble their lives on TV. If you’re from the home counties and earn more than £100k a year, plus white, just turn up in red trousers at Channel 4 HQ.
The very best to Kirsty and Phil for so many years on the TV. I was first though, and they sometimes have to slum it with the Great Unwashed (people on salaries less than £100k), plus my tree top snug is made from Amazonian resin, lined with taffeta.
May 23, 2025 at 5:14 AM
The very best to Kirsty and Phil for so many years on the TV. I was first though, and they sometimes have to slum it with the Great Unwashed (people on salaries less than £100k), plus my tree top snug is made from Amazonian resin, lined with taffeta.
It’s been a tough week for Ephraim and Evadne, the price of quail’s eggs has sharply fallen, so they’ve had to sell the igloo to allow them to focus on completing the sky needle.
May 22, 2025 at 1:57 PM
It’s been a tough week for Ephraim and Evadne, the price of quail’s eggs has sharply fallen, so they’ve had to sell the igloo to allow them to focus on completing the sky needle.
*Breaking* The new series starts in June, where we meet Simon and Focaccia, who attempt a build so ambitious, that the dimensional balance of the universe is jeopardised.
May 21, 2025 at 9:28 PM
*Breaking* The new series starts in June, where we meet Simon and Focaccia, who attempt a build so ambitious, that the dimensional balance of the universe is jeopardised.
Major announcement: Kev will be signing copies of his new book, ‘How I Survived Stone Cladding’ in Waterstones, Leamington Spa, this Saturday from 11:00 am until 11:05am. Please arrive promptly and bring a Lego brick.
May 21, 2025 at 9:23 PM
Major announcement: Kev will be signing copies of his new book, ‘How I Survived Stone Cladding’ in Waterstones, Leamington Spa, this Saturday from 11:00 am until 11:05am. Please arrive promptly and bring a Lego brick.
Whilst we were away, we were sad to hear that Sebastopol and Etherea had demolished their baroque bus depot. Sadly, members of the working class continued to arrive, despite the installation of a huge effigy of Penelope Keith to deter them.
May 21, 2025 at 9:19 PM
Whilst we were away, we were sad to hear that Sebastopol and Etherea had demolished their baroque bus depot. Sadly, members of the working class continued to arrive, despite the installation of a huge effigy of Penelope Keith to deter them.
We’re back! Coming soon: recycled quinoa, endless money and one couple down to their last Barbour.
May 21, 2025 at 9:09 PM
We’re back! Coming soon: recycled quinoa, endless money and one couple down to their last Barbour.