Climate change is when my wife wont let me touch the thermostat.

No we’re still best friends. He still lets me lick his boots on occasions

I didnt make this order, i love boy scouts! My troop leader back in the day taught me a lot, even took me on special camping trips just the two of us

Thanks for implying that im qualified for Secretary of Defense. If you keep saying nice things to me maybe you can a senator too!

Pete’s sexual assault is just like when Tommy twisted his ankle in 7th grade football. Looks like im the starting punter now. Next man up, thats ball baby

Wait I thought the money was going to Daniel Dimes Jones? Dude can sling a football

Have you never heard of a road trip before? The immigrants play the license plate state game and eat Pringles, it rules.

You should see me alone with a Costco cheesecake. Full creature mode, yummers

Why do you think i picked her? Fuck them kids