Behold, Congress as the millennial and gen X comedy club open mic night , because why the hell not at this point🤷🏻‍♀️
"I think you're supposed to have the flexed arm instead of the fist"
🌎🗑️🔥🤷🏻‍♀️

www.tiktok.com/t/ZT27t7hjY/

How are there still people knocking on my door to sell internet?? Isn't this an apocalypse???

The children told me to pretend to be a lava monster. I said "I lava you. Come here and let me lava you" in a monster voice. I just someone to know how funny I am, because these people don't really get it.

I refuse to endorse a future where AI might take over our jobs, but a vacuum can't sense and sort out all the Legos and toys it accidentally sucks up.

Me:🦇*walks up to linen closet, opens door, stares into void, scratches head* "whaaat.."

Eldest daughter:
"did you open the closet for? You're getting me a bandaid! *raucous laughter* Classic mommy!"

Aaaah the risk of being a "geriatric mother" they didn't warn us about. Excellent. Excellent...🤣🤣

I've been becoming increasingly concerned because the straws for our water bottles have been disappearing. Today I found a small straw stuffed in a bigger one, in a cat bed. Which means the cats and children have been colluding. I'm doomed.

My favorite thing about #Nosferatu was how they said "Christmastide" ONCE and justified billing it as a Christmas movie and opening it on Christmas Eve. I'll take any opportunity to watch horror on a "holy" day!
#LateTakes