That’s all for this fine morning! Keep up the good work, everyone, you are invaluable.

And remember: A good researcher is an informed researcher!
☀️

If you have any information on the whereabouts of our singular legal representative, Jack Hoffman, please alert a higher up or call his firm. We’re all mildly concerned for his safety and hope he can return to work soon.

3. Lawyer still missing. Investigations continue.

Our beloved third receptionist is having her 2̶̢̡̛̛̛͚̖͇̣̩̼̳̺̼̝͍̩̖̣͚̖̺̖͇͔̰̘̦̺̏̀̔͑̍͋͆̋͆̏̏͊͋͆̂̉̉͗͌̾͗̔̃̔̽͆͒͐̀̔̽̽̽̎̽͑͛̈́̈́̆̓̀̇̾̈́͗͑̃̓̉͑̑͗̓͌̉̎͑̽̂̍̿̌̓̑̔͑̔́̄̋̃͊͑̏̆̏̆̊̄͘̚̚̚̚̕̚͜͜͠͠͝͠͝9̶̢̡̨͔͖͚̬̩̩͕̘̝̗͙͙̣̥͈͈̗̠̩͎̖͙̦̯͈̣̻̦̙̪̼̪̞̘̬̰̦̯̰͎̦̩̱͕̤̭̳͍͔̭͙̇̄͌̊͋̎̍̂̄́̉͂͊͌̊͛́̆̓͂̐̉̃́͗̌͝͠ͅͅͅͅͅͅţ̴̡̢̛̛̞͇̣͎̗̹̠̦̖̦͚̝̜̑̐̊̆̅͊̓̅͂̇̈́̎̀͊̇͗̊͋̏̃̔̃͋̓͗̆͑͛͛͒͗̒̀͛̈́̎̀͊̍̽̍̐̀̓̿̋̈́͒̎̎̇͗̆͋͂͂̍̂̋̋͒͂̅̀͌̐̈́͒̚͘̕̕͘̕͝͝͝͝͠͝ḩ̷̨̨̡̛̪͎͔̥͍͇̘͓̟̰̟̙̳̠̣̗͇͔̘͍̙̣̭͙͎̱̲̣͇̥̘͚̞̩̩̼̘̘̩̫̩͖̗̖̯̱͉̘̯̜̞̻͍̣̫͕̪̝̦̯͈̜̦̟͓͆̽̑͆̾̀̓̓͌͑̉̊̇͑͆̓̈́̏̏͛̄͌͐̉̃͋̿̊̋̐͂̓͌͗̒̈͆̾͊͒̈́̂̎͑̓̀͌̽̈́̀̅̉̈́̿͌̋̊̃̓͆̕͘͘̕͘͘͘̕̕̕͘͜͜͜͠͠͠͠ͅͅ birthday very soon. A higher up will approach your research station with a birthday card that you MUST sign.

2. JULIET’S BIRTHDAY FAST APPROACHING; SIGN THE CARD.

Considering it’s been anywhere from one week to several centuries since we last hosted the Observers, there will be a consistent presence of donuts and fresh coffee in the break room; please limit yourself to one per person in case we start to run out quickly.

1. Observers Return

Reports from the top warn us of the Observers once again making their way through the 🏠. Do not be afraid of these often unknowable entities. They will remain harmless unless antagonized.

☀️

That's all for today! We thank you for giving us your most likely very divided attention.
We hope you dive into the workday with the kind of muted enjoyment that can only come from being a person in reality.

And remember: A good researcher is an informed researcher!
☀️

We would like to remind all of our researchers that just because the sky looks like it's night, that doesn't mean you're allowed to slack on your work.

However, we will be allowing a two-hour optional naptime session from 3PM to 5PM to mitigate the sleepiness.

4.
For our weather report: Not a cloud in sight! Although the sky seems to have turned a lovely and deep violet, as though stuck in a perpetual state of "twilight".

It's quite soothing, actually, and is giving everything a really lovely glow that normally would require moonlight to some degree.

Keep in mind that whoever wins will be crowned Monarch of the Lower Floors, and will be allowed to make small but important decisions for the following six hours.

Good luck to everyone!

3.
Today's 2PM meeting will be a battle of wits! A true challenge for those who are required to participate.

As a result, the meeting will be held in the back garden so that there's ample room for spectating. Concessions will, of course, be provided for a small fee.

... --- -- . - .... .. -. --. / .. ... / -.-. --- -- .. -. --. / -.-- --- ..- / -. . . -.. / - --- / .-. ..- -.

Do let us know if you find out what it might mean, and we will take appropriate actions as soon as we figure out a solution (3-5 business days).

2.
It appears that the coffee machine has replaced its usual "done" or "low water" beeps with an odd, repeating pattern of beeps in seemingly random lengths.
We took it upon ourselves to transcribe it as best we could, but haven't looked into it further. That's your job now!

In the meantime, the higher-ups have set up a few hotspots around the main areas, so we recommend you use those until our router is returned. Sorry to say that those might be somewhat slow, but we have to make due with the tools we are given.

We thank you for your patience!

1.
Our WiFi is unfortunately malfunctioning today. Frustrating, I know, but maintenance is on it!
The current running theory is that the router has been transported to another version of the House on a different plane of existence that no one is allowed to enter without proper clearance.

That's all for today!

Thank you all for your time and attention, we hope this will help you be at least 5% more productive today.

Stay safe from the storm, and remember: A good researcher is an informed researcher. ☀️

6.
And finally: Dr. West has asked that we all leave him to his work in peace today. According to him, he lost multiple bottles of his serum due to a mishap involving a few other researchers yesterday, and he needs to be able to get back to where he was.

We all understand a deadline!

If you're in need of an inanimate object to keep yourself entertained, there is a box of defective rubber duckies in the supply closet on the fourth floor that you're welcome to raid. We only ask that you leave enough for anyone else who might need one.

5.
A brief note about the plants in the entryway: Please stop taking them into your offices.
We know it's tempting to have a silent companion to talk to when you're bored, but they're starting to get ideas, and we'd rather not have to threaten them into submission again this week.