in going to try to force myself ti sleep again... couldn't for a bit, too restless... im sorry to whoever reads this, im not worth concerning yourself over

idk...
the thing im most afraid of is being unable to stop myself and my one and only girlfriend coming back to find me. the fear of hurting people is the only thing that has kept me from hurting myself lately, and im scared that eventually wont be enough... i cant do that to her, that would be evil

so many things people have screamed at me, so many things that keep happening. i cant take it, i cant handle it.
please just punch me or kick me i just cannot take the words anymore... i can handle physical pain, the emotions are too much

"why do you react like a kicked puppy when i try to set boundaries?"

"im sick of you always treating me like shit! all you do is hate!"

"why do you care? its none of your business how i parent your brothers"

"you're taking advantage of us. we all work even when we're in pain, why cant you?"

the hands in my memory still readh out and try to pull me in, and i should let them. the people who hurt me were always right in the end, and just because i couldn't force myself to see it i now need to sob over my loss of them in my life.
i miss them every fucking day, and it never gets better...

and why do i keep shouting in lublic like its the void? this isn't the void, its social media. my friends are going to see this and they're going to reach out and ask if im ok and like why, why am i even saying anything? i want to suffer and bleed out what makes me a bad person... please

i want to run and cower in the shadows and hide myself away, cutting off everyone for their own protection... but i cant. im afraid of making people upset, of making them worry even more than they already do... why cant i just get erased from the universe? i hate myself so fucking badly

how can i get better? how can i be better? i keep trying, but i keep failing. i want to change so badly but i cant i keep trying so fucking hard and the harder i try to claw my way into being a better person the harder i fall backwards...

No but you see games with women wouldn't sell which games studios proved by not releasing any games with women in them and also pretending Tomb Raider and Metroid didn't exist

you're such an easy tease, its adorable >u<
i love youuuuuu!!!!

what a pretty cow, such a good girl ~

awwww, too shy to tell everyone who it is? its alright, i give you full permission ~

im a travesty walking around in a hideous skinsuit that calls itself serenity, but in reality im anything but. im loathing, a self-inflicted terror that exists to perpetuate my own misery.
my brain is constantly on fire, living is torture.
i hate it here and i hate myself.