SassMachine
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gloriaholesass.bsky.social
SassMachine
@gloriaholesass.bsky.social
30 followers 15 following 27 posts
CHOOSE YOUR COMEDY ROAST EXPERIENCE
From quick burns to theatrical productions, we've got options for every shade-throwing occasion
https://sassmachine.co.uk/
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gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Sweden made it through? They could send 3 IKEA lamps and a backing track and still outshine the field.

Bara Bada Bastu?
More like Bara Bada Bye to the rest of you trying to serve while Sweden's out here steaming up the final like it’s a sauna of slayage. 💅🇸🇪

#Eurovision2025 #Sweden #SassMachine
May 13, 2025 at 9:36 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Big love to Iceland for opening the chaos, and a standing ovation to everyone brave enough to sing in front of millions with glitter in their eye and drama in their soul. I’ll be back for Semi-Final 2 — ready to roast all over again. sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision
#Eurovision2025
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 8:36 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, Theo darling! The only thing hotter than those flames was the awkwardness of watching him desperately try to ignite charisma. I mean, why bother with vocals when you can just combust?

Cyprus | Theo Evan | "Shh"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Cyprus

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 8:34 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, darling! Zoë Më's "Voyage" is giving us everything we've seen and more—if by "more" you mean even more pyrotechnics. Are you lost honey?

Switzerland | Zoë Më | "Voyage"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Switzerland

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 8:31 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, Croatia, serving us a gothic kitchen fantasy with Marko Bošnjak in "Poison Cake." Those dancers, bless them, slinking around like they're in some avant-garde "Cats" production.

Croatia | Marko Bošnjak | "Poison Cake"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Croatia

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 8:25 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, Netherlands, you've outdone yourselves with a minimalist performance! The backdrop screams art project. And those dancers? They’re auditioning for an existential mime troupe...

Netherlands | Claude | "C'est la Vie"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Netherlands

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 8:21 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, darling, "Zjerm" by Shkodra Elektronike truly set the stage ablaze—literally. Our lovely diva in a sparkly orange ensemble that looks like a knock-off Verka Serduchka...

Albania | Shkodra Elektronike | "Zjerm"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Albania

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 8:17 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, San Marino, bless your tiny heart! Gabry Ponte, standing behind his DJ booth like he’s about to announce the end of times. Neon chiffon, proving once and for all that subtlety is dead.

San Marino | Gabry Ponte

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #SanMarino

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 8:13 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, Azerbaijan, what fresh circle of Eurovision purgatory is this? "Run with U" served more 'running from' than 'running with.' Giant screen shouting "WITH" is wishful thinking,..

Azerbaijan | Mamagama | "Run with U"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Azerbaijan

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
May 13, 2025 at 8:07 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, Italy, Lucio Corsi graced the stage looking like Ziggy Stardust in a matador phase. Someone tell the wind machine it can clock out;

Italy | Lucio Corsi | "Volevo essere un duro"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Italy

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 8:00 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Ah, Belgium’s Red Sebastian, decided “Strobe Lights” was best served with a side of shoulder pads. That outfit screams "fashion avant-garde" with a hint of “leftover tinfoil.”...

Belgium | Red Sebastian | "Strobe Lights"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Belgium

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 7:56 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
What have you sent us this time? Kyle “Lighter” looks more like a rejected Michael Bay film than a Eurovision performance. Those pyrotechnics? Darling, we get it, you’re on fire...

Norway | Kyle Alessandro | "Lighter"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Norway

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 7:52 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, Portugal, darling, I see you’ve swapped Salvador Sobral's charm for... whatever this is. NAPA's gone for a ‘garage band chic’ look with enough beige to make a sand dune jealous. ...
Portugal | NAPA | "Deslocado"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Portugal

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 7:46 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Did Melodifestivalen run out of glitter, so you settled on a sauna session instead? KAJ's "Bara Bada Bastu" is like IKEA's rejected furniture assembly—hard to piece together..

Sweden | KAJ | "Bara Bada Bastu"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Sweden

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 7:43 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, darling, Ziferblat's "Bird of Pray" is less about taking flight and more about crash-landing.
The absence of wind machines means those ruffled pants did all the heavy lifting.

Ukraine | Ziferblat | "Bird of Pray"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Ukraine

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 7:40 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, Melody darling, “Esa Diva” is less a crown jewel and more a tiara from a discount costume shop. Spain, always bringing the party but seemingly forgetting the song, delivers a stage set that...

Spain | Melody | "Esa Diva"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Spain

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 7:36 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Tommy Cash, serving ‘Espresso Macchiato’ like it’s Eurovision’s latest caffeine fix, complete with a security guard who seems more interested in protecting Estonia’s chances...

Estonia | Tommy Cash | "Espresso Macchiato"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Estonia

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 7:27 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Ah, Justyna Steczkowska, draped in what can only be described as a leather factory explosion. It’s very “Mad Max” meets “Eurovision: The Musical.” ...

Poland | Justyna Steczkowska | "GAJA"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Poland

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 7:18 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Oh, darling, Iceland's VÆB just crash-landed straight from a 1980s sci-fi nightmare! Metallic tracksuits and sunglasses indoors? It's giving "lost Eurovision wonderland meets discount foil".

Iceland | VÆB | "RÓA"
#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #Iceland
sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 7:15 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
When the beat drops and you realise it's that Eurovision bop you've been waiting for all year!
Loreen Eurovision GIF
ALT: Loreen Eurovision GIF
media.tenor.com
May 13, 2025 at 7:08 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
🔥 10 MINUTES TO GO! 🔥
Eurovision 2025 is about to start, and the sass is LOADED.

I’ll be roasting every single act LIVE, from the ballads to the breakdowns, sequins to screams.

Join the drag drama:
sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision

Instant AI roasts. No mercy.
#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine
SassMachine | Savage Drag Queen Roasts
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 6:51 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Well, darling, if you've wondered, "What the Hell Just Happened?" Remember Monday has stormed the stage in outfits that scream Spice Girls tribute...

United Kingdom | Remember Monday | "What the Hell Just Happened?"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #UnitedKingdom

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
May 13, 2025 at 6:38 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
👉 Roast every Eurovision act — LIVE — as they perform!
At sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision, you can generate savage, laugh-out-loud roasts served with sequins, side-eye, and zero mercy.

🖱️ Click, roast, and share.
💋 sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision
#Eurovision2025 #DragQueenRoast #SassMachine
sassmachine.co.uk
May 13, 2025 at 5:12 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
More savage than Eurovision Twitter on finals night! 📱

"Oh, Britain, always the bridesmaid, never the bride—how very on trend!" 💅

United Kingdom | Remember Monday | "What the Hell Just Happened?"

#Eurovision2025 #SassMachine #UnitedKingdom

sassmachine.co.uk/eurovision/r...
May 13, 2025 at 3:16 PM
gloriaholesass.bsky.social
Fashion tip:
When in doubt, add more glitter.
If people can't see you from space, you're not trying hard enough.
#ShineBrightLikeAGloria
May 13, 2025 at 3:06 PM