I wish I could just crawl out of the pit and stay out of it for once and just be happy and not be thrown back. I feel so alone and scared.

I finally start doing things for myself again just to be thrown right back into the pit where I belong apparently. I thought I had a good day just to be thrown right back. I'm just so anxious and exhausted.

And with my roommates moving some stuff out i basically be living by myself and that's really scary to me?? Like not even my roommates want to talk to me anymore and I'm so hurt by that because I literally live with them? Idk what to do anymore it's driving me crazy.

And i still somehow don't know how to deal with it?? I start to join chats and try to start trusting again just to be betrayed over and over again. I hate this violent cycle. I just feel like I shouldn't try ever again because ill just be thrown right back into feeling like shit.

And yes I know i can talk to people but then the sneaking feeling of them being bothered by me prevents me from doing so, so here i am rotting with nowhere to go but to stare into a wall with all these thoughts hoping they will leave so I can finally have peace of mind.

Womp womp

Also any sharing would be appreciated!