Goke (Go - Key)
@gjroya91.bsky.social
I don't have time to be petty, so I set aside time.
September 30, 2025 at 1:28 PM
I don't have time to be petty, so I set aside time.
Whenever I tell people I’m from Texas, they think I grew up out in the country, like I was wrangling wild cattle or collecting nightcrawlers in a coffee can. But I actually grew up in the suburbs, and the wildest thing I ever wrangled was a shopping cart with a squeaky wheel at Target.
September 19, 2025 at 4:20 PM
Whenever I tell people I’m from Texas, they think I grew up out in the country, like I was wrangling wild cattle or collecting nightcrawlers in a coffee can. But I actually grew up in the suburbs, and the wildest thing I ever wrangled was a shopping cart with a squeaky wheel at Target.
Dating me is like dating a smart-looking dumb person who tells a story like a 16 year old bragging about that one time they and their friends bought condoms from a sketchy gas station vending machine. It’s all this awkward build-up for a story that never really lands the way they think it will.
September 6, 2025 at 9:03 PM
Dating me is like dating a smart-looking dumb person who tells a story like a 16 year old bragging about that one time they and their friends bought condoms from a sketchy gas station vending machine. It’s all this awkward build-up for a story that never really lands the way they think it will.
Only in Texas can you play ding-dong ditch and end up in an episode of Dateline. Like, I thought the worst that could happen was getting chased with a garden hose. Turns out the real risk is someone treating a doorbell prank like it’s the Alamo.
September 4, 2025 at 11:29 AM
Only in Texas can you play ding-dong ditch and end up in an episode of Dateline. Like, I thought the worst that could happen was getting chased with a garden hose. Turns out the real risk is someone treating a doorbell prank like it’s the Alamo.
Wearing glasses to look intelligent is like wearing a neck brace to look more responsible.
August 21, 2025 at 10:32 PM
Wearing glasses to look intelligent is like wearing a neck brace to look more responsible.
I read that a guy from China built a fully working subway station for his cats. Which is amazing, because now they can ignore rush hour delays and him.
August 21, 2025 at 11:33 AM
I read that a guy from China built a fully working subway station for his cats. Which is amazing, because now they can ignore rush hour delays and him.
Actors on a press tour always say, “He (it’s often a he) has a vision, his world-building is amazing.” Sure. Everyone says that. Spielberg, Nolan, the guy who directed Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. All visionaries.
August 20, 2025 at 7:44 PM
Actors on a press tour always say, “He (it’s often a he) has a vision, his world-building is amazing.” Sure. Everyone says that. Spielberg, Nolan, the guy who directed Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. All visionaries.
I love when guys on Reddit post, “Check out this geeky collectible my girlfriend bought me.’” Brother, the only person who bought you that was your credit card company. Don’t drag an imaginary woman into this.
August 20, 2025 at 3:21 PM
I love when guys on Reddit post, “Check out this geeky collectible my girlfriend bought me.’” Brother, the only person who bought you that was your credit card company. Don’t drag an imaginary woman into this.
A British restaurant is launching the UK's first water menu with sparkling bottles served in wine glasses. It’s like, “Want the Highland waterfall or dramatic alpine finish?” Because there’s nothing more haute cuisine than paying 19 bucks for something you can get for free if you just install a tap.
August 19, 2025 at 2:24 PM
A British restaurant is launching the UK's first water menu with sparkling bottles served in wine glasses. It’s like, “Want the Highland waterfall or dramatic alpine finish?” Because there’s nothing more haute cuisine than paying 19 bucks for something you can get for free if you just install a tap.
So many film podcasts are like, “This scene’s awesome, this scene’s badass.” And I’m like, okay, but if I wanted that, I could just read the YouTube comments under the trailer.
August 15, 2025 at 5:19 PM
So many film podcasts are like, “This scene’s awesome, this scene’s badass.” And I’m like, okay, but if I wanted that, I could just read the YouTube comments under the trailer.
True crime podcasts love to say “they’re fucking monsters” which is podcast code for “I have no interest in understanding why this happened, but I do want you to know I’m better than them.”
August 12, 2025 at 10:35 PM
True crime podcasts love to say “they’re fucking monsters” which is podcast code for “I have no interest in understanding why this happened, but I do want you to know I’m better than them.”
I thought I had a Jim and Pam thing going at my last job. Then Pam called me in for a meeting. Long story short, she still has a job.
August 11, 2025 at 8:25 PM
I thought I had a Jim and Pam thing going at my last job. Then Pam called me in for a meeting. Long story short, she still has a job.
Being single in your 30s is just rotating through the same four dating apps like you’re flipping through a sad little Rolodex of disappointment.
August 11, 2025 at 6:16 PM
Being single in your 30s is just rotating through the same four dating apps like you’re flipping through a sad little Rolodex of disappointment.
I want a prestige limited series about the woman in a Nancy Meyers movie who folds blankets for a living and somehow lives in a $5 million beach house.
August 8, 2025 at 3:14 PM
I want a prestige limited series about the woman in a Nancy Meyers movie who folds blankets for a living and somehow lives in a $5 million beach house.
Modern dating is just scrolling past a thousand red flags and thinking, “Well, at least he spelled ‘your’ correctly.”
August 7, 2025 at 7:18 PM
Modern dating is just scrolling past a thousand red flags and thinking, “Well, at least he spelled ‘your’ correctly.”
Having a crush on someone in HR is risky business — one day you’re planning a coffee date, the next, they’re handing you a box for your desk stuff! Guess I was hoping for a date, but all I got was a pink slip!
June 24, 2025 at 3:22 PM
Having a crush on someone in HR is risky business — one day you’re planning a coffee date, the next, they’re handing you a box for your desk stuff! Guess I was hoping for a date, but all I got was a pink slip!
Social media is such a strange place. One moment you’re seeing posts about the atrocities committed by this current administration, and the next, you see someone enthusiastically posting about their book on hot dogs. Why the hell am I here?
June 18, 2025 at 7:21 PM
Social media is such a strange place. One moment you’re seeing posts about the atrocities committed by this current administration, and the next, you see someone enthusiastically posting about their book on hot dogs. Why the hell am I here?
They say with God all things are possible… but I didn’t think that included a rerun of the Trump presidency.
June 1, 2025 at 11:45 PM
They say with God all things are possible… but I didn’t think that included a rerun of the Trump presidency.
Only in Texas do you see a man steering with one hand and drinking a brown-bagged beer in the other. Call it open carry, but for drinks.
May 26, 2025 at 7:25 PM
Only in Texas do you see a man steering with one hand and drinking a brown-bagged beer in the other. Call it open carry, but for drinks.
Give it a few more years and JK Rowling’s gonna be like, “Look, I’m just saying that Voldemort had a point about blood purity.”
May 20, 2025 at 11:25 AM
Give it a few more years and JK Rowling’s gonna be like, “Look, I’m just saying that Voldemort had a point about blood purity.”
Some people get inspirational quotes tattooed. Some get flowers, or Chinese characters they don’t fully understand. But my man here? He got p < 0.05 inked on his arm — says it’s the only time anything in his life was truly significant.
May 16, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Some people get inspirational quotes tattooed. Some get flowers, or Chinese characters they don’t fully understand. But my man here? He got p < 0.05 inked on his arm — says it’s the only time anything in his life was truly significant.
You know how rideshares have tiers now — like Standard, Priority? What if there was a tier that was just… some guy. No car. He just walks with you. Carries your stuff. Maybe tells you you’re doing great.
May 7, 2025 at 5:07 PM
You know how rideshares have tiers now — like Standard, Priority? What if there was a tier that was just… some guy. No car. He just walks with you. Carries your stuff. Maybe tells you you’re doing great.
Time: 3:45 PM
Scenario:
Co-Worker I find incredibly attractive: Hello, how are you?
Me: Good morning
Me (thinking): Nailed it. Truly, the Shakespeare of small talk.
Scenario:
Co-Worker I find incredibly attractive: Hello, how are you?
Me: Good morning
Me (thinking): Nailed it. Truly, the Shakespeare of small talk.
May 6, 2025 at 8:49 PM
Time: 3:45 PM
Scenario:
Co-Worker I find incredibly attractive: Hello, how are you?
Me: Good morning
Me (thinking): Nailed it. Truly, the Shakespeare of small talk.
Scenario:
Co-Worker I find incredibly attractive: Hello, how are you?
Me: Good morning
Me (thinking): Nailed it. Truly, the Shakespeare of small talk.
Have you ever noticed true crime shows always say the same generic bland thing about the victims? “This is Jessica. She loved life. Waterskied. Maintained many positive friendships.” If I go missing, they’ll be like: “This is Goke. He loved salty snacks and mainted a vague online presence”
May 2, 2025 at 11:41 AM
Have you ever noticed true crime shows always say the same generic bland thing about the victims? “This is Jessica. She loved life. Waterskied. Maintained many positive friendships.” If I go missing, they’ll be like: “This is Goke. He loved salty snacks and mainted a vague online presence”
You know a joke really lands when the only person who likes it is a self-described crystal witch. Now that folks is cosmic validation.
May 1, 2025 at 11:30 AM
You know a joke really lands when the only person who likes it is a self-described crystal witch. Now that folks is cosmic validation.