Not gonna be able to get hard again til the governments funded again… my penis is a government employee
October 1, 2025 at 12:35 AM
Not gonna be able to get hard again til the governments funded again… my penis is a government employee
Going to read Bleeding Edge soon so tonight I’ll be Edging until I Bleed
August 22, 2025 at 11:12 PM
Going to read Bleeding Edge soon so tonight I’ll be Edging until I Bleed
Greeting woman for first date and taking off my 9 silly bandz that are each a number arranging them into her social security number on the table and winking at her to demonstrate I will be a partner that remembers important dates and details
May 14, 2025 at 11:44 AM
Greeting woman for first date and taking off my 9 silly bandz that are each a number arranging them into her social security number on the table and winking at her to demonstrate I will be a partner that remembers important dates and details
Tren de Aragua means train of Aragua. That’s right - just more anti-autism hatred from the Trump administration
May 14, 2025 at 3:10 AM
Tren de Aragua means train of Aragua. That’s right - just more anti-autism hatred from the Trump administration
The Waldo of Where’s Waldo was a Waldensian. Why is he always wearing the same clothes? Obviously this is due to apostolic poverty.
May 6, 2025 at 8:13 PM
The Waldo of Where’s Waldo was a Waldensian. Why is he always wearing the same clothes? Obviously this is due to apostolic poverty.
I should do a right wing grift where I write a book saying I cured myself of AIDS by taking ivermectin not eating seed oils and golfing a lot. Title: “Better Than Positive”
May 4, 2025 at 12:34 AM
I should do a right wing grift where I write a book saying I cured myself of AIDS by taking ivermectin not eating seed oils and golfing a lot. Title: “Better Than Positive”
The Hamburger Helper mascot has only 4 fingers as a hint it’s for poor people
May 3, 2025 at 11:40 PM
The Hamburger Helper mascot has only 4 fingers as a hint it’s for poor people
Trying to hit on a gal in the most populated state of India and saying “I may be new to Uttar Pradesh, but I can already tell you’re utterly precious” and everyone thinks I said “udderly” and I am covered with tar and chicken feathers and rode out of town on a rail
April 22, 2025 at 10:46 PM
Trying to hit on a gal in the most populated state of India and saying “I may be new to Uttar Pradesh, but I can already tell you’re utterly precious” and everyone thinks I said “udderly” and I am covered with tar and chicken feathers and rode out of town on a rail
My Hurrian oldhead bro is always listening to Hymn to Nikkal and it’s like come on man. Try out a song that came after we started monotheism
April 19, 2025 at 7:08 PM
My Hurrian oldhead bro is always listening to Hymn to Nikkal and it’s like come on man. Try out a song that came after we started monotheism
Did you know? We have a picture of the Qing era 1800s official behind Kung Pao (really gōng bào; 宫保) chicken, and he looks like the old gigachad image
April 19, 2025 at 3:02 PM
Did you know? We have a picture of the Qing era 1800s official behind Kung Pao (really gōng bào; 宫保) chicken, and he looks like the old gigachad image
Whenever I go to Walmart I’m like wow incredible they’re doing an avant garde David Dees themed abstract interactive art exhibit. And they say art is dead
April 19, 2025 at 2:45 PM
Whenever I go to Walmart I’m like wow incredible they’re doing an avant garde David Dees themed abstract interactive art exhibit. And they say art is dead
A thing people say to mock Chinese is “ching chong”, written in normal pinyin these sound like qing and chang, with varying interpretable tones. I like to imagine they’re saying qíng 情 and cháng 长, “long passion/emotion”, that they’re unwittingly expressing yearning + goodwill
April 15, 2025 at 4:14 AM
A thing people say to mock Chinese is “ching chong”, written in normal pinyin these sound like qing and chang, with varying interpretable tones. I like to imagine they’re saying qíng 情 and cháng 长, “long passion/emotion”, that they’re unwittingly expressing yearning + goodwill
Evil dumb bitch wants you to pay more money for worse shit because muh China evil
Today I introduced my first official bill as a U.S. Senator. It will ban Chinese vehicles from entering the U.S. and ban Chinese parts that transmit Americans' personal data back to Beijing.
April 11, 2025 at 11:36 AM
Evil dumb bitch wants you to pay more money for worse shit because muh China evil
Destroying the Nordstream 2 pipeline was an act of lecanomancy, the greatest thus far in history. A way to see the future and tear it asunder at once, shoving a shattered kaleidoscope into an eyeball
April 8, 2025 at 6:50 PM
Destroying the Nordstream 2 pipeline was an act of lecanomancy, the greatest thus far in history. A way to see the future and tear it asunder at once, shoving a shattered kaleidoscope into an eyeball
Hot women at the fair think it’s attractive when you visibly struggle with the minor sized seat and constraints of a ride
April 5, 2025 at 7:13 PM
Hot women at the fair think it’s attractive when you visibly struggle with the minor sized seat and constraints of a ride
Enjoying the carnival on this first beautiful day of American perestroika.
April 5, 2025 at 7:12 PM
Enjoying the carnival on this first beautiful day of American perestroika.
A strange complaint I know but: they should make flags out of some weather resistant silken feeling material. Stroked some American flags people had on their mailboxes on my walk today; felt cheap, plastic, insulting, vulgar
March 29, 2025 at 7:39 PM
A strange complaint I know but: they should make flags out of some weather resistant silken feeling material. Stroked some American flags people had on their mailboxes on my walk today; felt cheap, plastic, insulting, vulgar
They are going to try to use biological warfare to cull undesirables and act like it’s nature taking its course, like with AIDS but way more effective due to better genetic tech. The ONLY thing that would result in this not happening is them being too stupid to organize it. If they can, they will
March 29, 2025 at 4:26 PM
They are going to try to use biological warfare to cull undesirables and act like it’s nature taking its course, like with AIDS but way more effective due to better genetic tech. The ONLY thing that would result in this not happening is them being too stupid to organize it. If they can, they will
The women in paradise described in the Quran are clearly described as having large anime style eyes. I take no pleasure in reporting this
March 24, 2025 at 12:04 AM
The women in paradise described in the Quran are clearly described as having large anime style eyes. I take no pleasure in reporting this
Prediction: Sharp uptick in “You’re Next” style events happening over the next 4 years. TBD the movie
March 23, 2025 at 9:34 PM
Prediction: Sharp uptick in “You’re Next” style events happening over the next 4 years. TBD the movie
Just took a which sonic character are you test and I got 100% Shadow. So keep that in mind before you lip off to me
March 20, 2025 at 10:18 PM
Just took a which sonic character are you test and I got 100% Shadow. So keep that in mind before you lip off to me