Ghost 🔞ᯅ
@ghostinthegooncave.bsky.social
VR Gooner, M23, MDNI / GoonTech yapping / Slut for Gaze+Pinch interaction / gooner alt: @arck120.bsky.social
I feel shame that my interactions often go like this.
Shame that I made someone else uncomfortable
At the same time, I get this niggle of sick pride confirms my suspicions that I am indeed a weird fuck that no one wants to talk to...
I haven't really thought about this niggle of pride before...
Shame that I made someone else uncomfortable
At the same time, I get this niggle of sick pride confirms my suspicions that I am indeed a weird fuck that no one wants to talk to...
I haven't really thought about this niggle of pride before...
August 25, 2025 at 4:03 AM
I feel shame that my interactions often go like this.
Shame that I made someone else uncomfortable
At the same time, I get this niggle of sick pride confirms my suspicions that I am indeed a weird fuck that no one wants to talk to...
I haven't really thought about this niggle of pride before...
Shame that I made someone else uncomfortable
At the same time, I get this niggle of sick pride confirms my suspicions that I am indeed a weird fuck that no one wants to talk to...
I haven't really thought about this niggle of pride before...
To continue my initial thought: if someone gets 'stuck' chatting with me, they'll quickly drop the pleasantries and go away.
This is modeled by the in-bound arrow disappearing. As a result, the node (me) returns back to its original state of having no in-bound or out-bound edges.
This is modeled by the in-bound arrow disappearing. As a result, the node (me) returns back to its original state of having no in-bound or out-bound edges.
August 25, 2025 at 4:03 AM
To continue my initial thought: if someone gets 'stuck' chatting with me, they'll quickly drop the pleasantries and go away.
This is modeled by the in-bound arrow disappearing. As a result, the node (me) returns back to its original state of having no in-bound or out-bound edges.
This is modeled by the in-bound arrow disappearing. As a result, the node (me) returns back to its original state of having no in-bound or out-bound edges.
Another consequence of not having an older mentor: flawed runaway reasoning.
It'd be easy for me to form a valid argument/chain-of-reasons, but it wouldn't necessarily be *sound*.
That person could identify this and correct me.
It'd be easy for me to form a valid argument/chain-of-reasons, but it wouldn't necessarily be *sound*.
That person could identify this and correct me.
I wonder what it'd be like to have a slightly older person than myself - to confide in. I feel like a lot of my social confusion is from not having an accurate model of the world. Having that person could point out flaws and identify improvements to my model.
August 25, 2025 at 3:34 AM
But with a therapist's perspective, they can identify things that (from their experience as a practitioner) are obviously in need of re-evaluation (on my part).
This could include strongly-held beliefs, thinking patterns, how I approach my emotions, my social behaviour, and more
This could include strongly-held beliefs, thinking patterns, how I approach my emotions, my social behaviour, and more
August 25, 2025 at 3:34 AM
Rissa May ❤️
bsky.app/profile/ltrg...
bsky.app/profile/ltrg...
August 23, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Rissa May ❤️
bsky.app/profile/ltrg...
bsky.app/profile/ltrg...
I have a persisting (but fluctuating in amplitude) shame about going to therapy. Two sources:
1) Parents: why go waste your money when you can just talk to us?
2) Myself: why bother a therapist when they could be helping someone else with a much more traumatic upbringing?
1) Parents: why go waste your money when you can just talk to us?
2) Myself: why bother a therapist when they could be helping someone else with a much more traumatic upbringing?
August 16, 2025 at 2:55 PM
I have a persisting (but fluctuating in amplitude) shame about going to therapy. Two sources:
1) Parents: why go waste your money when you can just talk to us?
2) Myself: why bother a therapist when they could be helping someone else with a much more traumatic upbringing?
1) Parents: why go waste your money when you can just talk to us?
2) Myself: why bother a therapist when they could be helping someone else with a much more traumatic upbringing?
But with a therapist's perspective, they can identify things that (from their experience as a practitioner) are obviously in need of re-evaluation (on my part).
This could include strongly-held beliefs, thinking patterns, how I approach my emotions, my social behaviour, and more
This could include strongly-held beliefs, thinking patterns, how I approach my emotions, my social behaviour, and more
August 16, 2025 at 2:55 PM
But with a therapist's perspective, they can identify things that (from their experience as a practitioner) are obviously in need of re-evaluation (on my part).
This could include strongly-held beliefs, thinking patterns, how I approach my emotions, my social behaviour, and more
This could include strongly-held beliefs, thinking patterns, how I approach my emotions, my social behaviour, and more
Despite my attempts to reflect on my experiences, I don't think even a lifetime of reflection will bring change to my life - in comparison to actually communicating with other humans (hint: a therapist)
Why? Alone, I only possess the perspective of myself- ignorant and inexperienced.
Why? Alone, I only possess the perspective of myself- ignorant and inexperienced.
August 16, 2025 at 2:45 PM
Despite my attempts to reflect on my experiences, I don't think even a lifetime of reflection will bring change to my life - in comparison to actually communicating with other humans (hint: a therapist)
Why? Alone, I only possess the perspective of myself- ignorant and inexperienced.
Why? Alone, I only possess the perspective of myself- ignorant and inexperienced.
At the age where the average teen has sex for the first time, I, instead, craved porn as my haven and emotionally+socially isolated myself to get that fix
August 16, 2025 at 2:41 PM
At the age where the average teen has sex for the first time, I, instead, craved porn as my haven and emotionally+socially isolated myself to get that fix
Even from 16 - when I couldn't have possibly known how to say those words - I would nuzzle my pillow at night and imagine it was a girlfriend
What a loser I am + was !!
What a loser I am + was !!
August 16, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Even from 16 - when I couldn't have possibly known how to say those words - I would nuzzle my pillow at night and imagine it was a girlfriend
What a loser I am + was !!
What a loser I am + was !!
Over time, I learned to associate my feelings/wants towards anything as secondary to the social peace around me
So I began to make 'safe' choices that would, in turn, mould my identity into whatever soothed my parent's anxieties
So I began to make 'safe' choices that would, in turn, mould my identity into whatever soothed my parent's anxieties
August 16, 2025 at 2:33 PM
Over time, I learned to associate my feelings/wants towards anything as secondary to the social peace around me
So I began to make 'safe' choices that would, in turn, mould my identity into whatever soothed my parent's anxieties
So I began to make 'safe' choices that would, in turn, mould my identity into whatever soothed my parent's anxieties
Even when I *was* given a choice, any time I chose the option that my parents didnt favour- a very big argument would ensue, that never resolved. Rather, it'd seemingly dissipate and we'd ignore it the next day
August 16, 2025 at 2:33 PM
Even when I *was* given a choice, any time I chose the option that my parents didnt favour- a very big argument would ensue, that never resolved. Rather, it'd seemingly dissipate and we'd ignore it the next day
If I went to see a therapist, I think I'd identify the reasons for my thinking-patterns and behaviours much more quickly.
August 16, 2025 at 2:18 PM
If I went to see a therapist, I think I'd identify the reasons for my thinking-patterns and behaviours much more quickly.
So: very needy.
Very self-absorbed. Probably to the point where it'd get tiring to hang out with me, but you wouldn't know why.
I came up with these conclusions much later (several years into uni). But at the time, I was just constantly on edge.
Very self-absorbed. Probably to the point where it'd get tiring to hang out with me, but you wouldn't know why.
I came up with these conclusions much later (several years into uni). But at the time, I was just constantly on edge.
August 16, 2025 at 2:18 PM
So: very needy.
Very self-absorbed. Probably to the point where it'd get tiring to hang out with me, but you wouldn't know why.
I came up with these conclusions much later (several years into uni). But at the time, I was just constantly on edge.
Very self-absorbed. Probably to the point where it'd get tiring to hang out with me, but you wouldn't know why.
I came up with these conclusions much later (several years into uni). But at the time, I was just constantly on edge.
My friendships in highschool were very surface-level - I was very anxious, and would be very performative around people.
Also, my anxieties would lead me to manipulate others, not in an overtly malicious way, but in a not-obvious way that was really an attempt to reassure my anxiety
Also, my anxieties would lead me to manipulate others, not in an overtly malicious way, but in a not-obvious way that was really an attempt to reassure my anxiety
August 16, 2025 at 2:18 PM
My friendships in highschool were very surface-level - I was very anxious, and would be very performative around people.
Also, my anxieties would lead me to manipulate others, not in an overtly malicious way, but in a not-obvious way that was really an attempt to reassure my anxiety
Also, my anxieties would lead me to manipulate others, not in an overtly malicious way, but in a not-obvious way that was really an attempt to reassure my anxiety
I think I still feel like a teenager because... I think forming and maintaining social bonds is critical for identity-development.
Because I haven't had any friends since the end of high-school - I think that's the reason why I still feel like a teenager.
Because I haven't had any friends since the end of high-school - I think that's the reason why I still feel like a teenager.
August 16, 2025 at 2:18 PM
I think I still feel like a teenager because... I think forming and maintaining social bonds is critical for identity-development.
Because I haven't had any friends since the end of high-school - I think that's the reason why I still feel like a teenager.
Because I haven't had any friends since the end of high-school - I think that's the reason why I still feel like a teenager.
I feel ashamed, now, when imagining what a person who I'm attracted to would think about my nature.
"What an irresponsible, lazy, incompetent, man-child! He's 23 and yet still behaves like a teen! Also, he has no friends, so he's probably not socially aligned well."
"What an irresponsible, lazy, incompetent, man-child! He's 23 and yet still behaves like a teen! Also, he has no friends, so he's probably not socially aligned well."
August 16, 2025 at 2:09 PM
I feel ashamed, now, when imagining what a person who I'm attracted to would think about my nature.
"What an irresponsible, lazy, incompetent, man-child! He's 23 and yet still behaves like a teen! Also, he has no friends, so he's probably not socially aligned well."
"What an irresponsible, lazy, incompetent, man-child! He's 23 and yet still behaves like a teen! Also, he has no friends, so he's probably not socially aligned well."
Other people must pity me when they see me- look at the retard so oblivious to his stupid nature
Sometimes people go quiet when I speak up. They must be embarassed by me.
Sometimes people go quiet when I speak up. They must be embarassed by me.
August 16, 2025 at 2:04 PM
Other people must pity me when they see me- look at the retard so oblivious to his stupid nature
Sometimes people go quiet when I speak up. They must be embarassed by me.
Sometimes people go quiet when I speak up. They must be embarassed by me.