we're both here, man. the angsty, broody me, and who I'm becoming. we're the same person.

so, to the old me, look at what we're doing, bro. and, while i would never discredit myself, i still owe so much of this to my mentor. it's wild to think abt. i'm thankful this is the timeline, universe, or whatever i get to live in.

the guy i was before a year ago when i met her, even the guy i was half a year ago...man, he could never begin to imagine any of this. all he would do is brood over his wasted potential and feeling anxious abt being a working class hero for the rest of his life.

i can't wait to start school for psychopharmacology, bro. frfr. and, all the shit my mentor has been encouraging me to learn and assigning "homework" for kinda gives me a headstart, too. sometimes i think she might be even more stoked on me going to school than i am lolol

HYDROXYzine

5-HYDROXYtryptamine

fuckin...are you JOKING? this shit all makes me wanna scream, but in a good way. everything is connected, it's so unbelievably fascinating.

hydroxyzine being an H1 antagonist but also hitting 5-ht1a anyway through its mechanism of action has me all sorts of fucked up.

i don't wanna let her down, and myself doubly so. only, i kinda think i still unfortunately accomplished the latter. after i shower i can study a lil more but i only have like an hour and a half from rn til I meet with her.

it's more so me being kinda disappointed in myself. like, yeah, there's a lot of stressful things around me, but i need to be able to bring myself to study regardless. school ain't gonna give a shit, you know? and she's tryna get me prepared for shit before i actually start.

no fr, that's such a strange feeling. i take adderall for adhd, but, it's like, "yeah, i could fully bring myself to get up and do smth rn but i don't feel like it." the bright side there is that if there was smth that absolutely had to be done, i could still force myself much more easily.

ayoo, chase atlantic. good shit.

dude this is so dope, i had no idea it existed :0

you mean like you're not into new games or just not into gaming in general anymore?

lil things like that made it charming tbh

bro, no bc sometimes that urge just pops up. 4 was fun af, despite the cars having shitty controls. i like how u could have ur main character go on dates and that kinda thing. even when you call ppl on 5, they usually don't wanna meet up compared to 4. plus, can't date anyone in 5 lol.