Of disappointment and frustration in myself. Today I failed myself. Tomorrow I’ll try again, to find my voice, to speak up in the face of something truly wrong. No matter the group, no matter the relationships.

Purely to feed my own white ego, to absolve what I feel is my “white guilt”, to prove I was ready to be an accomplice in….in what? I can’t even put into words what I want to be an accomplice in! I’ve been “learning” and reading books and donating money for almost 5 years now and I feel such a sense

But I laughed. The moment I did, I knew, I knew I had hardly taken a single step into the waters of the deconstruction of my internalized racism and white supremacy ways of thinking. I knew that all my “passion” for and my “support” of these things and the people who give their time and energy was

I should have said something, anything, like “sounds like a waste of money” or to talk about the harm that it’s caused and will cause. Talk about the removal of other books, websites, archives of Black, Brown, Indigenous and other People of Color & how that harms. I could have even stayed silent.