Okay. Hopefully, bye now for realsies.

"It's not the same as back then."
To me, it looks no different. It's the same shit it's always been. Just horrific weight added to it. I've said this before, feels like for years, everything this is is actively traumatic to me.

And then October 15th came. And now, basically all of those things are gone. Most of them because of this. To me, this is a never-ending nightmare that somehow keeps managing to get worse and worse.

From here, when I believe this started on your end, in early 2013, I had a job, friends, a loving family, hobbies, not dreams but Ideals, I was passionate about things, I could fall in love, I was optimistic about moving, and was on an upwards trajectory.

But like I've said, I've just been trying to make my peace these past few months. That pastebin was all I had in my drafts. Deleted it after posting. "That's everything. Bye now." I shouldn't be surprised you won't say it back.

But this is what I've meant when I said this doesn't involve me. Nothing I do, or say, or am, or believe matters in any way to what you're doing. You'll find a way to fit the square peg into your triangular hole.

(Yes, technically, the bike part was only recently.)

Did you even notice? Do you even care? Why would you, I guess?

But I went from constant fear and confusion, worrying about the well being of myself and my family, trying to figure out a language designed for me not to, trying to decide things I don't understand, and trying to snkr... to "I don't care about any of that. I just want to ride my bike." months ago.

One of the skills I've had to teach myself for my own survival this past year has been telling myself that it's not my fault. Surprisingly difficult for me. But had I not, I probably wouldn't be alive today. Still do it more than I probably should.

I think it's been about a year since I wrote that heavy-handed analogy about being a log of expended firewood. How you burn me alive for warmth. It's not even subtle. You make me suffer for your own benefit. Does it make more sense now? Of course, I hate it. Why wouldn't I?

I did this on the other site months ago, and it did help, but what helps most of all is just not being on social media at all.

Yes.