i wanna admit myself dude genuinely just to get away from this.

that stings. it stings so bad.
it stings astronomically that i would much rather move out before my birthday so i can spend it alone rather than be surrounded by family. it fucking sucks.

both of which he would use as ammunition to punish me as i used both mediums to vent.

i can't take melatonin at all bc of it, and if any noise at all happens while im asleep, im instantly awake, aware, and alert.

i have to be really, really comfortable to be able to sleep thru any noise.)

(for context: [tw: abuse]
at a young age, i had to teach myself to stay aware at all times even in my sleep because my dad would give me melatonin and use it to sneak into my room and rummage through my things, including looking into private convos with w friends and my personal journals.

what a fucking. joke.

im kicking them out. i am fucking kicking them out.

i need time to process. literally everything. and i need to do that by myself.