Gareth Ceredig
@garethceredig.bsky.social
||: Words-Music :|| Cold Case Crime Cuts / We Forced A Bot / Naked Week / The Skewer and so off. Also plays in orchestras in exchange for money.
Yes, One Battle After Another is outrageously good, but half a point off for missing out the best bit of the book.
October 26, 2025 at 9:12 AM
Yes, One Battle After Another is outrageously good, but half a point off for missing out the best bit of the book.
When you're not sure how to spell "soup"
October 21, 2025 at 3:03 PM
When you're not sure how to spell "soup"
Concerto for Your Grandparents and Orchestra
October 17, 2025 at 6:24 PM
Concerto for Your Grandparents and Orchestra
SECRETARY
Sir? I have Maurice Baron on Line 1.
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
[from behind a mountain of cocaine]
Has he finished his new piece?
SECRETARY
Yes, but he says he's not sure about the title, which is--
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
Sure, great, whatever, tell him it's f***ing perfect, just print it.
Sir? I have Maurice Baron on Line 1.
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
[from behind a mountain of cocaine]
Has he finished his new piece?
SECRETARY
Yes, but he says he's not sure about the title, which is--
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
Sure, great, whatever, tell him it's f***ing perfect, just print it.
October 15, 2025 at 3:35 PM
SECRETARY
Sir? I have Maurice Baron on Line 1.
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
[from behind a mountain of cocaine]
Has he finished his new piece?
SECRETARY
Yes, but he says he's not sure about the title, which is--
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
Sure, great, whatever, tell him it's f***ing perfect, just print it.
Sir? I have Maurice Baron on Line 1.
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
[from behind a mountain of cocaine]
Has he finished his new piece?
SECRETARY
Yes, but he says he's not sure about the title, which is--
1920s MUSIC PUBLISHER
Sure, great, whatever, tell him it's f***ing perfect, just print it.
THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Waaah! The BBC is dumbing down classical music! Waaah! Radio 3 told me to relax and now I'm Jeremy Corbyn! Waaah! Shame on the sick BBC for reducing great culture to banal garbage! Waaah!
ALSO THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Waaah! The BBC is dumbing down classical music! Waaah! Radio 3 told me to relax and now I'm Jeremy Corbyn! Waaah! Shame on the sick BBC for reducing great culture to banal garbage! Waaah!
ALSO THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
October 14, 2025 at 9:49 AM
THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Waaah! The BBC is dumbing down classical music! Waaah! Radio 3 told me to relax and now I'm Jeremy Corbyn! Waaah! Shame on the sick BBC for reducing great culture to banal garbage! Waaah!
ALSO THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Waaah! The BBC is dumbing down classical music! Waaah! Radio 3 told me to relax and now I'm Jeremy Corbyn! Waaah! Shame on the sick BBC for reducing great culture to banal garbage! Waaah!
ALSO THE DAILY TELEGRAPH:
Meanwhile, on Platform 5 at Milton Keynes Central...
October 3, 2025 at 5:38 PM
Meanwhile, on Platform 5 at Milton Keynes Central...
The new Northern Ballet conducting fellow arriving for work.
August 12, 2025 at 9:31 AM
The new Northern Ballet conducting fellow arriving for work.
Northern Ballet, having recently ditched their live orchestra, now crowing about offering a "rare opportunity" to conduct a ballet. Must have own Spotify Premium account.
August 12, 2025 at 9:28 AM
Northern Ballet, having recently ditched their live orchestra, now crowing about offering a "rare opportunity" to conduct a ballet. Must have own Spotify Premium account.
Cannonball Udderley [turns gun on self]
August 10, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Cannonball Udderley [turns gun on self]
-Wildly talented, wildly inconsistent.
-Lots of big swings, lots of big misses, but every now and again everything would line up absolutely perfectly and he'd hit it into orbit.
-Occasionally embarrassing, often infuriating, never boring.
-Kept going way longer than anyone expected.
-Lots of big swings, lots of big misses, but every now and again everything would line up absolutely perfectly and he'd hit it into orbit.
-Occasionally embarrassing, often infuriating, never boring.
-Kept going way longer than anyone expected.
August 2, 2025 at 10:12 AM
-Wildly talented, wildly inconsistent.
-Lots of big swings, lots of big misses, but every now and again everything would line up absolutely perfectly and he'd hit it into orbit.
-Occasionally embarrassing, often infuriating, never boring.
-Kept going way longer than anyone expected.
-Lots of big swings, lots of big misses, but every now and again everything would line up absolutely perfectly and he'd hit it into orbit.
-Occasionally embarrassing, often infuriating, never boring.
-Kept going way longer than anyone expected.
Are they jousting?
July 16, 2025 at 10:52 AM
Are they jousting?
Journa. F***ing. Lism.
July 14, 2025 at 9:05 AM
Journa. F***ing. Lism.
Well, there it is. The least accurate thing ever printed in the Daily Telegraph (Home of the Whopper®).
June 30, 2025 at 5:56 PM
Well, there it is. The least accurate thing ever printed in the Daily Telegraph (Home of the Whopper®).
Went to see Trooping the Colour. Looks better on TV. Won't bother next year.
June 14, 2025 at 3:31 PM
Went to see Trooping the Colour. Looks better on TV. Won't bother next year.
[to the tune of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]
🎵Glasgow Queen Street's Clamped Piano🎵
🎵Glasgow Queen Street's Clamped Piano🎵
June 12, 2025 at 9:04 AM
[to the tune of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]
🎵Glasgow Queen Street's Clamped Piano🎵
🎵Glasgow Queen Street's Clamped Piano🎵
Luddite says what?
June 6, 2025 at 6:08 AM
Luddite says what?
Really enjoyed the new Glyndebourne production of Rod Hull: Resurrection
May 29, 2025 at 8:22 PM
Really enjoyed the new Glyndebourne production of Rod Hull: Resurrection
Yeah, except no, Simon, it doesn't "open the finale". There are seven bars and an upbeat before it, in which the main thematic material of the movement is establ--oh, forget it. You wouldn't understand. You're so stupid and pompous and wrong; I think I love you.
May 26, 2025 at 10:45 AM
Yeah, except no, Simon, it doesn't "open the finale". There are seven bars and an upbeat before it, in which the main thematic material of the movement is establ--oh, forget it. You wouldn't understand. You're so stupid and pompous and wrong; I think I love you.
No, not like "almost all of it". He wrote quite a lot of music, Simon, which you would know if you really did have... [checks notes]... "serious intellectual curiosity" as opposed to one CD and a well-thumbed copy of Twattishness for Dummies. Also "cannibalised"? Eh? Huh? Whuh? The f***?
May 26, 2025 at 10:24 AM
No, not like "almost all of it". He wrote quite a lot of music, Simon, which you would know if you really did have... [checks notes]... "serious intellectual curiosity" as opposed to one CD and a well-thumbed copy of Twattishness for Dummies. Also "cannibalised"? Eh? Huh? Whuh? The f***?
It did not literally vanish, Simon. That is not what "literally" means. To find out more, I suggest you watch this YouTube talk by a massive arsehole.
May 26, 2025 at 10:06 AM
It did not literally vanish, Simon. That is not what "literally" means. To find out more, I suggest you watch this YouTube talk by a massive arsehole.
"The utter genius of the work" followed by "the unvoiced genius of the work". Kneel before Thesaurus Rex. Also... "unvoiced"? Fancy taking another swing at that, big guy? The entire English language is at your disposal, yet you've gone with a word that means less than nothing. Now *that's* genius.
May 26, 2025 at 9:56 AM
"The utter genius of the work" followed by "the unvoiced genius of the work". Kneel before Thesaurus Rex. Also... "unvoiced"? Fancy taking another swing at that, big guy? The entire English language is at your disposal, yet you've gone with a word that means less than nothing. Now *that's* genius.
If I was Simon Heffer's sub-editor [lol - the idea that *anyone* in Telegraph HQ reads this slop before smashing their forehead on the big red PUBLISH button] I would both resign and commit seppuku in response to this. "Unquestionably progressive in the context of its times." What words! What style!
May 26, 2025 at 9:42 AM
If I was Simon Heffer's sub-editor [lol - the idea that *anyone* in Telegraph HQ reads this slop before smashing their forehead on the big red PUBLISH button] I would both resign and commit seppuku in response to this. "Unquestionably progressive in the context of its times." What words! What style!
"In many ways", none of which I will reveal, because I can't, because I know f*** all about classical music, a fact which I will try to disguise by pumping my catastrophically inept prose full of as many dates as I can scrape off Wikipedia.
May 26, 2025 at 9:22 AM
"In many ways", none of which I will reveal, because I can't, because I know f*** all about classical music, a fact which I will try to disguise by pumping my catastrophically inept prose full of as many dates as I can scrape off Wikipedia.