@galexon.bsky.social
I mean.... tentatively, figuratively, eventually, probably, clumsily, comically, and loudly. You know... Trumply.
May 14, 2025 at 9:15 AM
I mean.... tentatively, figuratively, eventually, probably, clumsily, comically, and loudly. You know... Trumply.
A guy who can’t drive buying a car from a guy who doesn’t drive.
March 12, 2025 at 3:50 AM
A guy who can’t drive buying a car from a guy who doesn’t drive.
Whitehouse spokesman Karoline Leavitt seemed to lose patience in the briefing room, saying "You got all excited when Sleepy Joe brought Brittney Griner home from Russia, but you stop cheering for Team America when President Trump frees conservative patriot rapists."
February 27, 2025 at 5:46 PM
Whitehouse spokesman Karoline Leavitt seemed to lose patience in the briefing room, saying "You got all excited when Sleepy Joe brought Brittney Griner home from Russia, but you stop cheering for Team America when President Trump frees conservative patriot rapists."
In response to the sexual texting scandal, DOGE sent an agency-wide email demanding that "every employee forward five dick pics before end of day".
February 26, 2025 at 5:32 AM
In response to the sexual texting scandal, DOGE sent an agency-wide email demanding that "every employee forward five dick pics before end of day".
A Tesla spokesperson pushed back, saying "It's definitely not because people keep spray-painting swastikas on them."
February 26, 2025 at 4:21 AM
A Tesla spokesperson pushed back, saying "It's definitely not because people keep spray-painting swastikas on them."
Upon arrival at Gitmo, Hegseth said "I'll have a double whiskey, neat, and keep 'em coming."
February 26, 2025 at 4:19 AM
Upon arrival at Gitmo, Hegseth said "I'll have a double whiskey, neat, and keep 'em coming."
Hegseth said "Some camps are for training with weapons, we call them 'weapons camps'. Some camps are for practicing survival skills, aka 'survival camps'. This one is clearly for improving concentration."
February 26, 2025 at 4:18 AM
Hegseth said "Some camps are for training with weapons, we call them 'weapons camps'. Some camps are for practicing survival skills, aka 'survival camps'. This one is clearly for improving concentration."
Confirming that Ukraine would pay the US a portion of their mineral wealth, billions of Ukrainian hryvnia, Zelensky said privately "Trump seemed pretty happy, so I didn't have the heart to tell him that's about 31 US dollars."
February 26, 2025 at 4:13 AM
Confirming that Ukraine would pay the US a portion of their mineral wealth, billions of Ukrainian hryvnia, Zelensky said privately "Trump seemed pretty happy, so I didn't have the heart to tell him that's about 31 US dollars."
When asked about the Chilean blackout, President Trump said "We may have to take control of that part of the world and rename it South America".
February 26, 2025 at 4:03 AM
When asked about the Chilean blackout, President Trump said "We may have to take control of that part of the world and rename it South America".
Questions were swirling among the gathered crowd- "Are we praying wrong?", "Maybe we should be sacrificing a goat or something?", and "Someone go get a spell book."
February 25, 2025 at 7:37 PM
Questions were swirling among the gathered crowd- "Are we praying wrong?", "Maybe we should be sacrificing a goat or something?", and "Someone go get a spell book."
A file photo of Speaker Johnson, shown auctioning off his nation's integrity.
February 25, 2025 at 7:34 PM
A file photo of Speaker Johnson, shown auctioning off his nation's integrity.
The President, clearly incensed by the AI-generated video, shouted to reporters while boarding Marine One, "Fake news! They changed it! It wasn't his feet!"
February 25, 2025 at 7:09 PM
The President, clearly incensed by the AI-generated video, shouted to reporters while boarding Marine One, "Fake news! They changed it! It wasn't his feet!"
An Apple spokesman clarified that the initiative is called "Things We Were Going To Do Anyway, and It's Mostly AI Bullshit".
February 24, 2025 at 9:41 PM
An Apple spokesman clarified that the initiative is called "Things We Were Going To Do Anyway, and It's Mostly AI Bullshit".
But... who's going to protect the sexual predators?
February 24, 2025 at 8:12 PM
But... who's going to protect the sexual predators?
A Vatican spokesman said “Nobody noticed that Brother Antony was on vacation a few weeks ago, it's his job to pray for the Pope's good health. Frankly, he would have been fired already but he did pray for job security, so now we're kind of stuck.”
February 24, 2025 at 6:05 PM
A Vatican spokesman said “Nobody noticed that Brother Antony was on vacation a few weeks ago, it's his job to pray for the Pope's good health. Frankly, he would have been fired already but he did pray for job security, so now we're kind of stuck.”
The White House held firm, saying "That body of water is "The Gulf of America", his penis is to be referred to as "WarHammer", and Melania is "not a prostitute".
February 22, 2025 at 5:16 AM
The White House held firm, saying "That body of water is "The Gulf of America", his penis is to be referred to as "WarHammer", and Melania is "not a prostitute".
It's a little ironic that the leader of this Trojan horse attack is a man that has apparently never worn a Trojan.
February 22, 2025 at 5:11 AM
It's a little ironic that the leader of this Trojan horse attack is a man that has apparently never worn a Trojan.
You clearly don't understand polymaths, sir. This is the man who fixed twitter, invented the cybertruck, and blew up seven starships in only seven attempts. Once-in-a-generation genius.
February 22, 2025 at 5:09 AM
You clearly don't understand polymaths, sir. This is the man who fixed twitter, invented the cybertruck, and blew up seven starships in only seven attempts. Once-in-a-generation genius.
Senator Graham justified the expense, saying "Immigration controls and deportations are very expensive; you'd be amazed how hard it is to keep people from trying to get to their minimum-wage jobs."
February 22, 2025 at 5:04 AM
Senator Graham justified the expense, saying "Immigration controls and deportations are very expensive; you'd be amazed how hard it is to keep people from trying to get to their minimum-wage jobs."
Hegseth clarified his decision, saying "We need warriors, the best of the best, and Admiral Franchetti lacked both Spartan tattoos and an Adam's apple."
February 22, 2025 at 5:00 AM
Hegseth clarified his decision, saying "We need warriors, the best of the best, and Admiral Franchetti lacked both Spartan tattoos and an Adam's apple."
Musk defended his team's errors, saying "To be fair, it's kind of amazing that they didn't fill the wall with ads for crypto and boner pills."
February 22, 2025 at 4:57 AM
Musk defended his team's errors, saying "To be fair, it's kind of amazing that they didn't fill the wall with ads for crypto and boner pills."
The change of heart came after the President searched his feelings, consulted with religious leaders, and learned that New York firefighters are mostly white.
February 22, 2025 at 4:51 AM
The change of heart came after the President searched his feelings, consulted with religious leaders, and learned that New York firefighters are mostly white.
Lindsay Graham's statement read, in part, “This is a very important first step, oiling and stretching America's anus.”
February 21, 2025 at 7:55 PM
Lindsay Graham's statement read, in part, “This is a very important first step, oiling and stretching America's anus.”