Life is starting to feel like a video game that I’m bored of

If one day in the middle of the night you got up to get a glass of water and you caught your dog standing on its hind legs like a person and making itself a sandwich, would that be fucked up or what

When I was little I was really thankful I wasn’t born on a leap year because I would’ve gotten less birthdays. So now I’ve officially got nothing going for me.

Hitting on a necrophiliac girl: hey beautiful, watch this *dies*

New million dollar idea. Instead of a sensory deprivation tank it’s a sensory overstimulation tank and it’s filled with acid, strobe lights and me with a megaphone just making all sorts of crazy noises at u

Yeah I’m smoking, smoking hot!(I have a crippling nicotine addiction)

Having sex with somebody is just how I say hello at this point

Some dude a few hundred years ago tried wine and was like damn this is great it must be gods blood or something and people just went with it, but then they took it too far in my opinion

I think what the world needs rn is a new inspector gadget movie I think that would fix us

Head so good it makes you stupid call that cunnidingus

A cigarette a beer and a good song doesn’t fix me the way it used to

We need a new drug not like another scary one but a chill one like shrooms or weed.

A trans girl without winged eyeliner is like an angel without its wings