this new job is going to be so good for posting

hey, i've DMd you x

i feel like i have all of this stuff that's happened to me in the last decade that i'm overdue recovery from, and i'm not going to be able to do that here. 2024 is going to be a crunch year, i think. find a job, apply for a master's, hopefully get PIP, move into a "normal" house.

and there's some good about it, right? my nonexistent income is less of an issue, and it's still really easy to see all of my friends and loved ones because it's not too out of the way. but the thing about squatting is that it rarely leaves you feeling well-adjusted.

but now everyone's out of there, it's clearer to me that this is still unstable. there are mice in my room, the only hot water we have is from the shower because it's electric and the boiler is broken, and there's this low-level, non-zero, persistent anxiety of eviction.

maybe not *normal* per se; maybe on the late-night side, definitely with weird transsexuals. but like, something more normal than the squat i'm in right now. having this as an option was exactly what i needed when i needed it, it was much more stable than the warehouse.

i helped some folks from the warehouse move out last week, into normal, safe houses. it took a while. and knowing they were in those normal, safe houses now felt like such a relief. but it made me realise i need to live in a normal, safe house, i think.

i would also like to fuck silly style about ten times more than i currently do

gay

gay

neither of my parents have used the correct pronouns for me since i got here, seemingly without realising, and i just don't have the emotional strength to correct them at all

my father (this will be a trend) just did a racist indian accent while deliberating over what pieces to play in scrabble

my father, who doesn't know he has autism, just asked me if a word he was using was correct, and when i told him the right version, he made a flat-toned joke about how i should never correct him and that it's never too late to put me over his knee and "give me a bollocking"

my half-niece, who i found out existed a few weeks ago and will be meeting at the family's for christmas, is an antivaxxer in her early twenties who has a baby

Apparently people have been asking for GoFundMe and PayPal links from all of us. I think if you really want to do something like that for me, you can go listen to my music. I'm working on more right now, and listening to this will help give me a life that I can move on with.

togare.bandcamp.com

(i can in fact afford to do laundry right now thanks to the kindness of others but it's often a dilemma i face in my life as of late)