DeJoy: it’s time for me to move forward and focus my efforts on destroying my family and loved ones

Curtis Yarvin looks like a Fred Armisen character on Portlandia

It was a tic-tac-toe, a winner, a winner.

- a grand strategist

Upon seeing that my implementation of martial law isn’t working, I hereby revoke it

To be fair, Biden probably forgot that he said he wouldn’t pardon Hunter.

Eric Adams rubbing his hands together while he’s got a layover in Istanbul thinking about his favorite meal of the year today

We agree with the rules based order except for cases where we don’t.

After years of saying Trump is a fascist, I went to Mar-a-Lago to ensure I still have access to the administration.

*Eisenhower in 1952*
Look, I need to come clean about the the whole Roswell thing, it was late one night and I saw a weather balloon. People around me were drinking, I wasn’t, but we all had guns…

Found out JK Rowling is big into Olympic boxing today.

Love how every election cycle republicans tout being in the party of Lincoln while also saying he was a tyrant.

Guess I sat in traffic so long yesterday I missed a terrorist attack that eventually turned into a car accident.