How are people just now learning that America is full of nazis? I've known since George Costanza pretended to be the leader of the Aryan Union to get a free limo ride

I heard they're charging Luigi Mangione with littering now, because he dropped 200 pounds of trash on the sidewalk

Working on my second album now. I think what people really want is shit no one can dance to

Friends with beneficial nematodes

I can feel the microdose of CBD coursing through my veins, optimizing my neural pathways for maximum efficiency. I now understand the difference between there, they’re and their. Soon their will be nothing that can stop me

Having a second or even third root beer float is no big deal when you're walking the Earth a doomed man

Test scores improve by up to 10% if you put on fresh socks and underwear before the exam. It's the only advantage we have over AI

The only thing mysterious about spontaneous human combustion is why more people don't do it

There's a certain type of hunger that can only be satisfied by eating food

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