I’ve got a friend who’s new to Minecraft and she’s got a chest of stuff that “Might be magical” and it really reminds me of how we used to think silver and garlic had mystical properties when really they’re just anti-bacterial.

Due to my fondness of wearing deep reds and blacks, I fear that if I ever get a super suit I’ll be mistaken as a villain. So to remede that, my hero name will be notavillian, it’ll make my turncoat to being a villian much more surprising.

You’ve heard of the birds and the bees, now get ready for the new extended version! The birds and the bees and the bats and the crows and the rope and the handcuffs and the… they’re putting what?? Where??? How does that even fit??? I- I think I need to find the bleach.

Needing glasses is such a scam. You mean to tell me it’s normal to wake up and be able to see a spider in front of your face?? That the would doesn’t have a pay to see filter over it?? That even when you do put your glasses on, they still don’t work because you forgot to clean them??